The 1969 Tonic Affair
by Harmonic Friction
Summary: Severus Snape and Lily Evans were paired together in Potions class. But soon, Potions was the last thing on their minds. Updated!
1. Potions Partners

-Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. And perhaps a few filler characters.

-Rating: Mature, for sexual situations, coarse language. I guess the new policy is that M equals 16 and up… Just be warned.

-Author's Note: I believe in this. I hope you will, too.

_The 1969 Tonic_

**Chapter One**

Severus Snape watched in disgust as Lucius Malfoy snogged Narcissa Black on the neck. _He'll make fun of her afterward_ thought Severus darkly. He hated couples, absolutely despised them. But of all the couples he loathed, he hated his parents worst of all, if you could call _them _a couple. He mostly tried to forget they existed.

_Bellatrix and Lestrange are loony, Narcissa and Lucius are, of course, disgusting. Bianca is always screaming at Huggsly- I think she's going to kill him soon… And Potter with Evans is worst. I feel like I might puke whenever I see him with her- he's such a fucking prat. _

Stabbing a fried egg with his fork, Severus made himself look over at the Gryffindor table, where, just as thought, Lily and James were bantering happily. Snape snorted loudly. _Any girl who can put up with that ass must be a complete idiot, _he told himself. Except he wasn't convinced. He never was convinced, no matter how many times he tried to break it to himself. Lily Evans was a snob. He just had trouble remembering.

"What on earth is the matter with your _face_?" Lucius questioned, always the bright shining bit of hope in Severus' day.

The truth was, Severus and Lucius had been in a row for the past few months. Severus hadn't decided whether or not he wanted to join up with this group Lucius kept telling him about- some DeadEating Union or whatnot. It was all about being proud of your Pureblood heritage, and was run by this Tom fellow with whom Lucius seemed to be infatuated with. Being that Severus didn't like social activity, he'd decided to give it some thought. He was ready to just agree. Lucius was becoming more obnoxious than ever, if that was imaginable.

"Oh, thanks for noticing me. Guess you needed some _air_?" Severus sneered.

"You look hideous."

Narcissa giggled into her hand. Severus hated how pretty she was.

"Get stuffed, Malfoy. You'd really know about looks, wouldn't you? You spend half of your life in the mirror." With that, Severus gathered up his books and sent Lucius another irate look.

"Perhaps you should go to the nurse for that. It looks serious," Lucius said, and turned around to continue with Narcissa.

_Ugh, bloody jerk, I should…_

_Yeah, but you never actually will._

**-,-**

Severus sidled into Advanced Potions. He'd been early every day for the same reason as today. He couldn't stand his old best friend treating him like a piece of trash. It reminded him of his own house, of his father. _Bastard, _Severus seethed at that thought, even though his heart panged.

"Good _morning, _Snape, and how are you?" boomed Professor Slughorn.

Severus cringed. It was hard to exist around someone so damned merry. "Fine, Professor, and you?" he inquired quietly, slipping into his front row seat.

"Why, wonderful! Thank you so much for asking! You know, I've just been having such a great time preparing for the upcoming ball- you're going, of course, aren't you? It's just so much-" Slughorn's happy chattering subsided when he realised Snape wasn't listening, but all ready copying down the day's notes from the board into his potions book. "Erm… Anyway, today's lesson will be quite fun, I think. It's a bit tough, so I paired you all together once more and-"

"I _said _I couldn't work with Potter ever again," Severus spoke dully.

"No worries, son, I made new groups this time with you in mind."

"Can't I just work on my own?"

Slughorn's patience seemed to be wearing thin. "You _know, _Mister Snape, you will be graduating in four months. You may want to learn how to co-exist before heading out into the big world."

Snape finally looked up at the Professor, his black eyes cold and confident. "_Thanks,_" he stated chillingly, and bent down to work on the notes again.

The teacher stared for a few moments in amazement, and then continued writing upon the chalkboard. The usually cheery ambiance had once again been conquered by Severus Snape's negativity.

_I wonder who I've got this time, _Severus thought begrudgingly. _Probably some other dolt._ Severus hated being partnered up, especially in Potions, one of his favourite and best subjects. He felt drained of his talents. Used.

Soon, the class began filling up. Severus studied each person in turn, judging how hard it would be to "co-exist" with all of them. _Chang wouldn't be too bad. Vance is somber enough to almost be likable and that Ravenclaw…what's his name? Max something… Max LeVampe? He's quiet. Never talks. That's a plus, definitely._

Suddenly, the door slammed shut, and loud talking was heard, just like every day. And just like every day, Severus turned in interest even though he hated himself for being so pathetic.

James Potter, his arm around Lily Evans, was arguing with Remus Lupin about some stupid subject or another. The room seemed to brighten. Their energy turned Severus' stomach, but they were like the senseless dramas on the Muggle telly at home. _Addictive._

"Oy! Snivellus! Get your own conversation!" James declared, as the bell rang out and they sauntered to their seats.

"No," Severus said sweetly," I like listening to yours, it's so _very_ important!"

Slughorn turned around, giving Severus a disapproving look. Facing the class, he smiled. "Welcome. Today is going to be a great lesson! It will be a three day project, though, so it might get a little hard."

"NO!" James Potter yelled out.

Slughorn chuckled. "Now, now, rest easy! I've decided to partner you up-"

"YES!" James yelled out. "Professor, can we have three in a group?"

"I think you missed the part where I said _partners, _which means _two persons _and that _I _made the partners. So, no, Mister Potter, three will not be necessary."

"Ugh," James sniffed, crestfallen. "But-"

"_Shut _up," Lily put in cheerfully.

Slughorn grinned. "Thank you, Miss Evans." He proceeded to read the names aloud, Severus grinding his teeth. "Emmeline Vance and Xing Chang." _There goes that chance. _

"Ugh," muttered James again, and Severus smiled evilly.

Slughorn went on and on, adding in silly little comments like always, when finally: "Ah, yes. This, I think, will prove to be the best match. Two of the most brilliant potions minds that Hogwarts has ever seen. _Severus Snape and Lily Evans_."

Snape distinctly felt himself bite down on his tongue, but he wasn't thinking about that.


	2. Unexpected Findings

**Chapter Two**

Potter stood up, looking aggressive. "Professor, **change it**."

"James, honestly! Quit making such a fuss. You think I can't handle him?" Lily inquired, her green eyes flashing, her cherry hair rippling at her shoulders.

'_You think I can't handle him?' _Severus repeated in his mind, testing the words. _'…think I can't handle him?' _ It didn't sound too inviting.

Slughorn strolled back to the front of the room. "Please get seated next to your partner, and begin working straight away!"

_There is no way I'm getting out of this seat and sitting with that- that girl. No way, no how, _ Snape brooded nervously, bolted to his seat and staring ahead fixedly.

Almost too soon after this series of contemplation, "that girl" dropped into the seat next to him, dumping her books on the table.

"Hello Snape," she greeted plainly.

"'_lo,_" Severus muttered so quietly and quickly that it was hard to tell if he'd actually uttered anything at all.

"Look," Lily began so sharply that he took the time to look at her. "Can we just call a truce, or something? I didn't pair us up, you didn't pair us up. Also, we're in seventh year and we should start being civil to each other, at least.'

"Tell that to your boyfriend."

She sighed. "I know it hasn't been easy. But, you have been downright rude to me in the past, and all I want to do is get this project over with, so what do you say?" She held out her hand.

"I say that, if there was ever a situation in which you were offended by me, it is apparent that I was set off by something or another, probably pertaining to your little Mara-whatever club and their tendency to anger me. And also, I want to get this project over as well, so a truce would be dearest," he replied factually, and turned away, not taking into perspective the action of her outstretched hand.

Lily snorted. "So, _don't_ touch me then. I'm not diseased, you know, just because I'm a-"

"_Fuck_, it's not that," he snapped sullenly, realising what she was talking about and shaking her hand in a brisk fashion. It felt very soft. He bit his tongue, on purpose this time, and pretended he wasn't thinking about anything of the sort.

They were both quiet for a few minutes until Snape pointed to his potions book, which was quite tattered and covered page to page in his minute scrawl. A slight hint of haughtiness in his voice, he pointed to the notes he'd all ready written down. "So, I got an early start on the work, as usual. As you can see, there is Angelvine included in the last part of the recipe, see, '_third day, chop the angelvine…_' Anyway, research has shown that if chopped to the finest degree, Angelvine can be added as the very first ingredient and it proves to make the final stages much more easy to concoct." He waited for her to either be impressed or argue his point of view.

"Well spotted," she said casually," and I suppose you also think that the middle instructions seem a bit drawn out? I mean, _'simmer the kappa hair for forty minutes?' _ Everyone knows that it is way better to get the ingredients that take a long time to boil down- kappa hair, for instance- into the cauldron at the second interval."

Amazed, Snape stared at her. "I hadn't… Mind if I..?" He gestured to his notebook.

Lily smiled slyly. "Not at all."

The lesson went on like this for the entire hour. It was the best hour of Severus' school life. No one _ever _spoke to him in class. Of course, when anyone tried, he ignored them, but still… And this was different. Lily wasn't asking for his cheats and using him. She was giving him her own tips, making this project the only one that Severus had ever viewed as fair.

With ten minutes to spare, the two had managed to get all the ingredients ready and half of them in the cauldron.

"Uh…" Severus began, by way of conversation.

Lily waited.

"Nobody's ever- uh- been close to the same way that I am about Potions class. I mean, meticulous, and all that. Nobody's ever even been close," he repeated uneasily.

"Same here! Everyone makes fun of me for it. They say it takes too long."

"Yes, well, everyone that you know_ would_," Snape shrugged.

Lily shrugged. "They just don't think about things the same way. Anyway, I'm sorry for the beginning of class."

"You're sorry _now, _sure," Snape replied.

Lily sat up, enraged. "_Maybe_ **if you would stop talking to people the way you do you'd**-"

Snape looked up lazily, his black pupils glassy again. "I'd what?" he challenged. "Have some friends? Have a life? Have a date with Twiggy? _Shit_, maybe I _should_ start talking nicely to everyone who treats me like I'm nothing, then! Thanks, Evans!" he finished angrily, shoving his books into his old bag with a clatter.

Lily watched him, her green eyes sad. She opened her mouth and closed it again. Finally, she spoke with a quaver, flushing. "Sorry. I'm truly sorry. It's just that you can be a bit biting. That's all."

Severus looked at her. _Really _studied her, outside of himself. She looked apprehensive. Not _afraid _of him, but… Hurt by him. _But why?_

"I didn't mean to insult you," he explained quietly. "It's just the way I speak sometimes- I get it from… Someone." His insides sank again.

'_I get it from… Someone.' You've certainly never said that aloud. If she asks who, just make up some stupid answer._

Luckily, Lily did not ask. She gave Snape a forced smile and read a book for the rest of class.

Finally, Slughorn came to the front of the room. "Now that _most _of you have your ingredients all ready-" his gaze paused sadly upon James being yelled at by Bianca-" you can put them in the back stations and we'll start immediately tomorrow."

After they were finished with Slughorn's instructions, Severus grabbed his book bag and turned to leave.

"Snape- wait," Lily said.

He faced her.

"It was fun working with you. And I'm sorry again for getting mad at you- sometimes I react too quickly."

"Don't worry," he said shortly.

Quickly, Lily inquired," You want to meet tonight?"

Suddenly, the room seemed pretty loud. Severus wasn't sure he had heard what Lily said. "_What?"_

"Never mind."

"NO!" Severus exclaimed suddenly, sounding a bit Potter-like. "I mean, yes, let's meet!"

"Oh!" Lily brushed her long hair out of her face. "The library, at six?"

"Sure, fine," Severus replied, feeling a bit disappointed, though he didn't know why. _Like she'd meet you in the Gryffindor common room…_

Lily's eyes widened, and for a second Snape was worried he might have something coming out of his nose. But then, he noticed that James was headed their way.

"So, bring your notes. I'll bring mine. We can prepare. Laters," she put in, and whipped around.

Severus stood there, as though lost. _That's all it is? A study session? Or maybe,' _he thought hopefully,_' she just didn't want Potter to know._

_GUESS WHAT, STUPID? She's DATING Potter. They are HAPPY together, and she thinks you are CRUEL. Get over her._

Of course, this pep talk did not stop his nerves. All day, he wondered and pondered about the hidden meaning (or lack of) in Lily's request to meet him. Did she want to be friends? Want to be more? Want to tell him she wasn't going to be his Potions buddy any more? Want to tell him to take a bath?

This last thought was the one which stuck with him, funnily enough, so after classes, he took a long soak in the Slytherin tub. It was nearly an hour when he got out of the boiling hot bathtub. He smelled qute nice- he'd scrubbed his hair and body with sweet smelling soaps and conditioners. He stared in the full- body mirror, feeling as though he'd made _some _sort of progress.

"Ooh, what's the occasion?" asked Lucius Malfoy boorishly, arm in arm with Narcissa when Snape emerged, wrapped in an emerald towel.

Snape had no reply. He merely walked off to dress, rolling his eyes hatefully.


	3. Engaged in Secret Conversation

**Chapter Three**

During dinner that night, Severus was a mess. He was so nervous that he could hardly eat. Finally, the meal ended and he hurried up to the library. When he arrived, it was five fifty. Severus never liked to be late.

He settled down at a study table in plain sight and opened his Potions book, pretending to read it. The minutes droned on and on, with no sign of Evans, or anyone else for that matter. _Apparently, _thought Severus, _the cool kids have better things to do. Like throwing one another in the lake and screaming. Silly asses._

Finally, at about six fifteen, Severus slammed his book ruefully, knowing that this was too good to be true. Pince shook her head at him disapprovingly, so he muttered an apology and started toward the door.

"Sorry! I was held up!" Lily exclaimed, bounding toward him.

Severus brightened, if possible.

"_Young woman, please!" _Pince hissed.

"Sorry!" Lily repeated urgently in the librarian's direction , stopping right in front of Severus. "Oh God, I'm so sorry! Do you have to go? You can- I was held up-"

"No," said Snape coolly. "I think I can spare a few more moments of my _precious _time." He turned, and led her to the table he had been inhabiting prior to all of the confusion.

She fell into a seat, Severus copying, though much less dramatically. "_So,_" he began," what kept you?"

"Oh. James." She rolled her eyes casually as Severus' insides buckled. "He wanted me to watch him play Quidditch- well, not even _play_, really. He was just going to be practicing outside with Sirius and some others. I told him I was all ready busy and he got upset. He's so clingy! I mean, I like spending time with him, but Quidditch is not all that interesting to me, you know? I mean, the matches are good fun, but watching a bunch of loud blokes yelling 'FOUL!' and bashing into each other is not that great." She sighed. "Kind of cliche for a Muggle-born, isn't it? Oh," she put in quickly," a lot of Muggles think girls shouldn't be interested in sports."

"I know," Severus shrugged, not even noticing that he'd given her a clue. "But I loathe all sports, Muggle _and _magical, so there you go."

Lily smiled, but merely looked at the table.

"I guess I should get out my work, since we're here to study, or… whatever," Snape announced stiffly, reaching for his bag.

"You don't _really _have to."

"Oh. Okay," Severus said quietly, looking at her in wonder. _What does this new development mean?_

She folded her hands on the table. "You said 'I know.' And how do you know Muggle sports?"

"Come again?"

"You said you knew what I meant when I talked about Muggles thinking girls shouldn't like sports. And then you said you hated both Muggle AND magic sports. I was wondering how you knew that. Did you take Muggle Studies?"

Severus let out a huff of air in anguish- he hadn't meant to let that slip. He concentrated on his fingernails and muttered something that sounded entirely like "my fodder's fun."

"_What?"_

"My- er… My father's… one." Severus closed his eyes. _Only five minutes of conversation and I mention the devil. What is this, fucking therapy? Leave me the **fuck** alone, Dad._

Lily gaped at him. "Wow- I didn't know!"

"Yeah, I haven't got a tattoo on my forehead yet, but maybe you could suggest some colours," he replied shortly.

"Snape- I don't mean to make you uncomfortable, it's just… I thought you were-"

"Pureblooded?"

"Yes."

Severus gave a dry, insensitive laugh. "I haven't the **luck** to be a Pureblood."

"_Excuse _me?" Lily fired back, eyes fixed upon Severus, and he realised something:

_She's not going to let me get away with being an asshole. She's not just ignoring it like everyone else._

"Look, I'm not a bigot- well, not really."

"Not _really?" _ She jeered. "Just a _little?"_

"Yeah!" shot Severus.

"PLEASE!" screamed Madame Pince, throwing up her hands. "This is the library!"

"What is that supposed to mean?" whispered Lily, leaning across the table, challenging him.

She was also showing a little cleavage. _Not now, Severus, this is certainly NOT the time, _he begged himself.

"I have some prejudice, yes. But I regret calling you names when we were younger, and I never really meant it to hurt you. Well, maybe I did then, but now I hope you don't feel offended. I don't really hate Muggles," he told her quietly. _Just one._

She lost the flare in her emerald eyes. "I think I understand your meaning, if only a little. You used to hate Muggles, but now you don't?"

"Yes," Severus lied. "That's about it."

She settled back in her seat, her shirt moving over the point of interest, to Severus' dismay. (_You sicko, _he thought a bit disappointedly.)

He tried desperately to make it right. "I apologise, then, if you were offended by me all those times."

"I was. But, thanks, I do feel better now," she told him, and gave him warm smile. "So, having a witch mother and a Muggle father- what's that like?"

"It's just wonderful," Severus mumbled, crossing his arms. How quickly he retreated back to defensiveness.

"Not a subject you'd like to discuss?"

"Not especially."

She looked interested, but pushed no further. "Well… having two Muggles for parents is a bit annoying. They never know what I talk about, and look at me as though I'm a loon. I love them, though. They _are _supportive, but my sister…" She made a face as though retching. Severus laughed. "She's such a bratty little cow!"

"Older or younger?"

Lily looked a bit amazed at Snape's interest, and replied," Younger. But only by one year."

"I have a sister," Snape volunteered, trying to be friendly. "She's six years older than me. Abbigale. Abby."

Lily nodded, looking appreciative that he was saying something that seemed not to pain him. "Really? What does she do now?"

"I don't actually know," he stated simply. "She ran away when I was eleven."

"God! I'm so sorry!" Lily said, which must have been the thousandth time that day. "That's terrible. Were you- were you close to her?"

Severus shrugged. "I thought so. I mean, she could be sort of a cow, too, I suppose. She used to laugh at me all of the time. But no matter how much she laughed at me, she still was there."

"She was _there?"_

"She talked to me. She treated me like I was her age sometimes. And mostly, she was home."

There came an uncanny silence. It was clear to Severus that Lily, who had never known about his life, was just beginning to get a picture painted for her.

Suddenly, she looked at her watch. "It's eight o'clock!"

"Really?"

Severus was just as surprised as she was. It had felt like absolutely no time had passed.

They walked out into the hallway together, looking around as though they had just engaged in secret discussion and the enemy was near.

They stood, quite far apart- Snape in the direction of the Slytherin common room, and Lily, near the hall that would take her to Gryffindor.

At last, Lily said," It was nice to finally talk to you."

"Finally?"

"Yes, I've always wanted to speak to you," she told him.

Snape stared at her, his eyes perhaps a little wide. _Could it be that she likes me the way I like- _

He must have looked a bit too amazed for Lily, because suddenly, _she _became defensive. "I felt bad about all of those times, too, okay? And you just seemed a little interesting!" she declared.

"All right," Severus stated slowly.

Lily lost the wild look in her eyes. "I'd better get back, or James will be sending out an interrogation crew. Goodnight."

"Right. See you tomorrow, Evans."

She paused. "You know, you can call me Lily."

Snape knew that this was an extremely huge moment, but he treated it lightly, not wanting to show how much it meant. "Sure thing. You can call me Severus."

"I will," she beamed, and hurried away.


	4. I Just Want to Get to Know You

**Chapter Four**

All day long, Severus could not wait for Potions class. He'd never let himself be such a hopeless idiot before, but now, he could not help it. Snape had always suppressed his feeling for Lily Evans, calling her a Mudblood and pretending as though he hated her as much as everyone else he despised.

It was difficult, though, to hate her after the night before. He and Evans- _Lily- _were on good terms now. Actually, compared to what they were on before, _wonderful _terms. Besides, pathetic as it was, a girl had never set up time to talk to him. Sure, there had been meetings where false, lazy people wanted answers to tests in DADA, Potions, and about everything else, but Severus knew that last night's happenings were a definite difference.

And, to be honest, he couldn't shake off the idea that she was _a little _interested, at least. If not, what was the awkwardness at the end about? Why was she so willing to ask about his life? Indeed, this was all hopeful thinking, although Severus finally felt that it was acceptable to be attracted to Lily Evans.

Of course, he had always thought she was _physically_ attractive, but he thought a _ton _of girls were physically attractive. Still, it had always been Lily who frequented his nighttime urges. _To put his fingers through the strands of her long, straight hair… To touch those breasts… _Nearly every night, he was taunted by the same less-than-pure images, and would wake up feeling dishonest to his Slytherin peers. Dishonest and disgusting, up in his dorm room, fantasizing and touching himself over a girl he'd never have- a girl who detested him and was so beautiful it was repulsive in the morning.

Now, though, he knew that she was at least a little credible, very intelligent, and wanted to meet with him. This made the urges less pathetic. _Well, maybe a little. _

Sitting in third period Defense Against the Dark Arts, Severus realised that this was the first time he had not written notes. The first time he had not followed along in a class. His thoughts kept going back to Lily, their conversations, how nice she had been even though he'd pretty much insulted her entire family.

_Now quit it, for fuck's sake! _he told himself angrily. _She's popular, she's nice, and she's dating James Potter. She's too good for you. She doesn't want you. She probably just wants to make James jealous so he'll want her more._

These thoughts, again, could not conquer the former.

**-,-**

Somehow, Potions finally came, and despite Snape's worries, it was even more fun than before. It was plain to see that their potion was coming together the best of anyone's. Slughorn clapped and laughed joyously every time he passed their table.

James kept sending Severus odious stares, but for once, Severus was not offended at all. _Last year I would've had my wand in his face in no time. _Maybe because he was sitting with James' girlfriend, and because Lily and he had shared a deep conversation the night before, he felt much more secure than he had in years. And, possibly, a bit haughty.

At the end of class, Lily turned to Snape and asked," Fancy meeting again tonight at the same time?"

"Yes!" Severus answered, perhaps a little too positively, for Lily glanced around.

"How about meeting in front of the tapestry of Uric the Oddball?" she questioned.

Severus studied her with a small smile. "Are you trying to tell me something?" he inquired.

Lily laughed a true, glorious laugh. "That is _funny! _I didn't know you could be funny like that!"

"It comes and goes," he shrugged, feeling proud. After they had parted, he thought about the tapestry of Uric. Not only was it in kind of a deserted place in the school, but that corridor also led to- Snape's heart began to beat. _No. It can't be what she wants. Just a coincidence._

Same as the last evening, he took a bath, and this time he did not keep on his school robes. Clawing though his small chest of drawers, he found some jeans which were not too dingy and pulled them over clean underpants. He put on his school shirt and sweater- they smelled fine- and wondered in the mirror if he looked completely foolish. It had been a long time since he'd left his robes off. They had felt like protection, or something of the sort, until fifth year when Potter had knocked him upside down and-

Severus made a sigh of anguish, clenching his teeth at this horrid memory. At least he'd learned a valuable lesson: Wear trousers underneath your robe even if it _is _summer. His face reddened as he prayed that Lily had forgotten about that day. Of course, it had been so unique that no one ever would. The shouts, the laughter…

He decided he had better pull his sorry self together, and headed down to dinner, feeling a little naked. Whilst in the Great Hall, he did receive some rather strange looks. He figured he must look like a totally different person without those hot, black robes.

Afterward, he hurried straight to the tapestry to wait for Lily. No one was in sight. Not many classes were taught in this part of the castle. Severus felt even more nervous than he had the previous night.

Right on the nose, Lily entered the corridor where Snape was reading a book.

"Evening, Lily," he greeted, closing it and standing up.

"Evening, Severus," she replied. "Always prepared, aren't you?"

He shrugged. "Yeah, I guess I like to use time wisely."

"I thought we could take a walk up here. It seemed kind of painful to have Pince glaring at us while we were trying to talk."

"Good plan," he returned and waited until she'd began to walk along, opting to follow her. See where she was planning on going.

Severus cleared his throat. Almost seven years he'd known her. Well, known _of _her. There were so many questions. But he there was one question he was dying to know the answer to.

"How is dating Potter, if you don't mind me asking?" he inquired, trying to sound casual.

Lily gave him a sideways glance, questioning him. "It's fun. He's pretty active and energetic, as you know. We aren't really serious yet-" she shot Severus another look he didn't understand- "or anything like that. We go to Hogsmede, we've attended a few Quidditch games… It's fun," she repeated.

Severus felt more jealous than ever. Active and energetic were not his specialties. He'd much rather be cooped up in a dark corner than enjoy the sunshine or partake in the activities of people much more extroverted than himself. Potter had good looks, popularity, a great relationship with Lily Evans. It was maddening.

"So, what about you?"

"What about me what?"

"Do you fancy anyone, or date anyone?"

He snorted. "No, not really." It was an answer to the second question.

She recoiled. "Oh. Do you want to date anyone?"

"Do _you _think I want to?" he demanded, knowing he was acting like an annoying jerk.

"Yes," she said simply.

"You just know _everything _about me, don't you?" he asked snottily.

"I don't know _anything _about you."

They trudged along, Snape seething over what she had said about Potter, still.

"You don't even _like_ Quidditch," Severus said acidly.

"You're right," she answered crisply.

They walked in silence again, rage wiping through Severus quickly.

"You love him, then." It was a statement. Severus had spoken it without thinking.

She stopped in her tracks, staring. "No. I mean, yes, on some level. I think I _could _love him, but I am not _in love_ with him. Of course, I wouldn't love the old James. I'd love the James you don't see because of your past with him."

"Past? What about the present? **Doesn't that count for anything**?" Severus snorted. "He's **still** horrible to me, maybe in a more quiet way, but he _still _is!" He was panting now, his voice had risen to an indescribably loud volume- he was _shouting _at her. He felt so _stupid. _

"He _was_ worse!" she insisted," and the only reason he keeps it up is because you threaten him!"

"What?"

Lily shook her head. "I didn't mean to say that- we shouldn't talk about this."

"He's threatened by ME?" Snape hooted. "Yeah, that's a good one! All those times he assaulted me and you're speaking about it like poor James Potter is _sooo _innocent!"

They had started walking again- their pace had become something of a quick jog.

"I'm not saying he is! I'm just thinking that maybe you shouldn't act as though you were always the victim. He was scared-"

-"Scared of _what? _The fact that I might suddenly get smart and tell Dumbledore?"

Lily stopped walking again and Severus copied.

"He told me he doesn't want to bother you anymore, but he says you provoke him. **I know**-" she began before Snape could protest-" that you don't think you do anything, but think about what happened yesterday. You are just so _angry. _Everything makes you mad. Everything used to make you get out your wand and do those frightening bloody jinxes. Wouldn't you be threatened by that?"

Severus was silent. _Well, yes. But it isn't the same. I have the right to be angry. And everyone hurts me so I have to let them know I mean business. I have to._

"Why are you so _angry?" _The livid tone had lost Lily's voice once more. She sounded fraught.

He shrugged, and continued walking.

"Come now, you must know! Is it about your family?"

"Can we _not _bring them into this?"

"**I JUST WANT TO GET TO KNOW YOU**!"

They both stopped short.

"You do?" Snape asked tentatively, afraid she would laugh in his face.

"Yes, Severus! Always." She looked a little embarrassed, standing there playing with one of her earrings.

"I thought I was threatening," he stated gruffly.

"Maybe that's part of it. You're so mysterious. Everyone in Gryffindor, sure they might talk horribly about you, but it's like an obsession. _Snivellus this, Snivellus that. _No one quite understands you. And they want to."

This news was certainly strange to Severus. He'd always thought that hating him and talking about him ended with the school day. That when the Gryffindors were together, they completely forgot about every other house. He didn't know why he though this, for he certainly thought and spoke about his other classmates.

"Well," Severus began, feeling like he needed to make her feel like she was 'threatening', too. "Well, you're mysterious in your own way! I mean, yes, you're popular and everyone knows about you and James and everyone respects your little group-thing… but you used to defend me and it frustrated me. _Because I wanted to hate you._ I mean, it seems so simple_. We should hate each other_. And yet, here we are, having this conversation and you saying you want to know me! I want to know something about you, though."

"Sure," Lily said, looking confused.

"Try to explain as you will, it just doesn't make sense that you're being nice to me. I'm the school recluse. And you. You're just-" _Brilliant. Beautiful. _He didn't know what to say. He couldn't tell her. This could be a big joke and then what would happen? "It isn't fair! You seem so nice and friendly, and I just want to know, how can you be dating **_him_**?"

It got very quiet, then. If Lily had thought that his answer about fancying people seemed a bit dodgy, now it was crystal clear.

"Severus, does this mean you-"Lily stopped mid-sentence and got a very sad look upon her face. "I thought maybe- but…"

Snape looked at the ground. "Fuck!" he cursed, feeling humiliated to the highest degree. _How could I let it slip? 'It's not fair!' What a loser! Fucking LOSER._

And that was when he realised where she had led him. They were standing just beyond the entrance of the Astronomy Tower. Even Snape knew that the sole purpose of the Astronomy Tower- with its pretty architecture and lovely view of the night sky- was to be a place where couples and not-so- couples came to fool around.

Before he could give this any thought, Lily grabbed his arm. "Please! Don't leave!"

"I just told Lily Evans that I- I am _so _pathetic," he snarled, pulling away. She just wanted to be nice to him. Clear away her guilt before they graduated. And that was all. Now he'd made her perfect life a complicated mess.

"No! I only want you to _listen! _You aren't pathetic in the least-"

"STOP IT!" he yelled, turning to face her, and what he was about to add he never really knew because at the next moment, gorgeous Lily Evans put her arms around his neck and whispered, _" Oh, Severus."_

He stood there, shocked. He wasn't sure if he should hug her back, so he did nothing.

"Here," she said helpfully, and placed his hands upon her lower back. She returned her arms to the spot around his neck and stared at him with those green doe eyes.

And unexpectedly, she pressed her lips onto his. He kept staring at her until he felt like a nutter. He finally closed his eyes, but then it was over.

He couldn't believe it. He hadn't even enjoyed it. It was more of a _WHAT? _

"I don't know," she breathed. "If you don't-"

"I think we should-"

"Yes, me, too."

Severus pulled her back with him against the wall and amidst the summer breeze, he stared into her eyes, uncertain of how to act. Lily initiated a kiss again, this time pushing her lips in with more aggression as he kissed her back this time, amazed at this situation. She tightened her arms around his shoulders and he moved his hands to her hair- they were pressed together closely now.

In an instant, Snape remembered that he was not wearing his robes, and he wanted them desperately for _one _very obvious reason.

"Oh!" exclaimed Lily in a funny sort of voice.

"I'm sorry! So sorry… Damn it!" Snape proclaimed turning away from her. His face was either very pale, or very red but he couldn't exactly tell.

Unfortunately, at this devastatingly humiliating moment, they heard shuffling outside the tower in the hallway.

Lily moved out of his reach, and gestured to his right. "You take that way, I'll take this way!"

And with that, they scattered.

**-,-**

Severus Snape slipped into his dorm room around nine o'clock. His lips were still full of her taste, and he's refrained from brushing his teeth in order to keep the feeling there. His heart was pounding in his chest.

_This is insanity. _

_No. This is a malfunction of the utmost level. The world is going to blow up._

He slowly exhaled. It was hard to tell what he was feeling at the moment. Really stunned. That argument had taken a lot out of him. Extremely stupid. He'd slipped up big time and hinted to LILY EVANS that he fancied her. But also, elated, because- well, it was obvious! Lily had _kissed _him. Nearly three times!

_Is that making out? _he wondered.

And then, of course, there was utter humiliation. _I can't even look up to **myself **anymore. I can't fucking **believe **I got stiff in front of her. What a pervert. 'S probably what she thinks, she didn't run from whatever that was, she ran from me and my nastiness. Sick._

He groaned and lay back, staring at the dark canopy and listening to his roommates' breathing.

_Wow._

_Lily Evans. She kissed me. She… I finally, well, ALMOST, got to totally stroke her hair. _

_Lily Evans! Lily fucking Evans._

Fucking_ Lily Evans…_

"Nnnmmm…"

_Ack! NO! Don't do it…_

(_Too late.)_


	5. Not Going Well

**Chapter Five**

The next day, Severus had even _more _trouble focusing, if that was possible. He kept worrying about the night before. Had he disgusted her now? _Especially now that she knows you're a pervert. _He was obsessing about her, desperately waiting for them to make contact. It was different that day, because they did not have Potions. Of course, there were their other combined classes- Charms and Transfigurations- but they sat far away from each other and hadn't been acknowledging each other, even for the past couple of days.

The day was nerve-rackingly predictable until lunch, when things took a complete turn.

Severus was chewing a stalk of celery and working on his Charms notes when, suddenly, a message in dark purple ink appeared on his paper.

'**_What did you think of last night?'_**

Startled, he stared at the paper. Suspicious, he looked over to the Gryffindor table, wondering if it was her. Lily Evans made eye contact with him and then ducked away, smiling. _So, it is._

He stared at the paper stupidly.

'**_Just write back. It will automatically send. I jinxed it.' _**came another message.

_Whoa, _he thought, wishing he'd created this one, though he wondered in which situations would he ever be conversing with other people.

'_Brilliant magic.' _he wrote back in his tiny scrawl.

'**_Thanks.'_**

'_Though completely unexpected.'_

'**_Sorry, but I thought it might be bad for me to go to your table. Malfoy might have my head.'_**

'_I wouldn't want to go to your table either.'_

Severus strained to see if she was writing, when another message appeared upon his parchment.

'**_Yeah, I suppose… so what about my question?'_**

'_Oh. Do you really want to know?'_

'**_Yes!'_**

'_What did you think, first?'_

'**_No fair. I asked YOU!'_**

Severus looked up- Lily was glaring at him jokingly. His lips cracked into a smile and he put his quill to parchment.

'_Besides making an ass of myself, I suppose it was… wonderful.'_

'**_REALLY? And, you didn't make an ass of yourself.'_**

'_Don't fight me on this one. So, what's YOUR answer, then?'_

No reply. Severus looked up to see Lily talking to James. About five minutes later:

'**_Sorry, he wanted me to pass the butter and sympathize with his low test grades… Anyway, it was. Different.'_**

_'Different is bad.'_

'**_NO. Not at all, Severus. It's good different. But, you know that sound we heard?'_**

'_Yeah?'_

'**_I ran out there and bumped into PROFESSOR SLUGHORN and he questioned me about my INTENTIONS!'_**

Severus snorted aloud. _He's always so obsessed with everyone's lives. He was trying to convince me that dances are good fun the other day. His little club thing makes me sad. He's such a CREEP-_

"Mr. Snape!" boomed an all too familiar voice. Professor Slughorn put his arm on Severus' shoulder. Snape hid the parchment in an instant, flushing and glancing at the Gryffindor table where Lily was laughing into her plate.

"All right, Professor?" Snape said, trying to keep a straight face.

"No complaints about my little arrangement this time, son?"

"Naw, Professor."

Slughorn's face took the shape of amazement. "Really?"

"Yes."

"She certainly is sharp, isn't she, that Miss Evans?" the teacher questioned, eyeing the much more positive Snape with curiosity.

"Yes," Snape nodded again.

Looking frustrated that Snape did not wish to give out every detail, Slughorn moved on to Lucius Malfoy, whose older brother, Hagawthe Malfoy, had been in the Slug Club.

Severus sighed in relief and took out the parchment.

'**_Oh wow. That was SO FUNNY!'_**

'_Speak for yourself!' _Severus wrote, and grinned.

'**_So, no Potions today. What do you say we meet after classes?'_**

Severus' heart pounded. _Maybe she doesn't think I'm too gross, _he thought.

'_Sounds pretty good, if you promise you won't laugh.'_

'**_Laugh at what? And how about we meet at the lake?'_**

Severus had rather hoped they would be meeting in the Astronomy Tower, but he agreed.

'_**And ditch the robes again'**, _she wrote. '**_You look so much more real.'_**

**-,-**

Messaging one another was one thing. But after classes were through, Severus' stomach filled with uneasiness again. He couldn't help but dread their meeting, thinking perhaps she was going to tell him the truth: he was disgusting and she never wanted to see or speak to him ever again.

_How do you talk to someone after snogging? _Snape thought helplessly, wishing for a second that he and Lucius were still friendly.

These thoughts stopped short when he spotted Lily. Especially since she was not alone.

Potter was standing with her, and from what Severus could tell, they were arguing.

Severus walked by very slowly as to hear their conversation, heading toward a tree nearby.

"Tell me what you're thinking about!" James was demanding, his hands clenched at his sides.

Lily stood only a few feet apart from him, looking amused. "Don't be daft."

"I'm not. And _you're _acting off colour. Tell me what you're going to do!"

"I only want to study!" Lily declared; hand on hip, a smooth bit of leg was showing between skirt and sock.

"Why don't you wanna study with Sirius and me? You know we always study at ten!"

"Because your so-called 'studying' isn't _studying, _now is it? You two are so beat that you can barely hold up a quill! _'What's the answer to… mur mur mur…' _" she mumbled, and pretended to drift off to sleep.

James looked furious. Severus was delighted with her.

"Well,-" began Potter-" well! Well, why not Remus? HE doesn't fall asleep."

"Remus and I _do _study!" Lily told him. "But I wanted to do so _alone _today."

"Lily!" James said urgently; Snape noticed that he was becoming more and more distressed. "Since when do _you _**want **to study?"

Lily's eyes flickered. "Since I felt like it a minute ago, all right? Why don't you just play _Quidditch_?"

"Don't say it like that!" James fumed. "You just don't understand it!"

"Why, because I'm a _girl_?" she asked, and her temper was again showing. "Because I'm a _Muggle_?"

"Calm down!" he stated, reddening. "No! Why would I- how could you- Lily, you know that I don't care about anything like that! I didn't mean it that way, it's just… you used to want to hang out with me!"

"I used to give into being _kept_ _by you_, is what I did. Go off, play your Quidditch with Sirius. You don't need to do that with _me._"

"Is this because of what happened?"

Severus listened more closely in interest.

Lily looked down. She hesitated. "No, it's different."

James threw up his hands. "It _is _because of what happened. Look, Lily, my beliefs are firm. And if you can't handle that, then you and I obviously aren't going to make it."

"James. I don't want to talk about this right now!" she cried out, and Severus wished he knew what had upset her.

"Good. Neither do I. Have fun studying. _Laters_," he shot at her, and rumpling his hair nervously, he stalked off.

Lily kicked the ground.

"Over here," Snape whispered.

She turned around, still looking distraught. She came forward and sat on the grass, facing the clear blue water. Snape followed her actions.

"Thought you said everything was going well," Snape spoke quietly, picking up fistfuls of grass mindlessly and then letting them go in the breeze.

Lily rested her chin against her legs and hugged herself. "I said it was fun. Not 'going well.'"

"Oh?"

"You sound happy."

Snape looked away. "I'm not happy that you're unhappy just-"

"Happy _he's _unhappy?"

"Maybe." Severus stared blankly at the grass. "Look, do- do you regret what we did last night?"

"No. Of course not. I'm sorry if it was a bit quick- I hope you don't find me to be some kind of tart or something," she said, and giggled forcedly.

He shook his head solemnly. "Of course not. I was only surprised. We _have _known each other for seven years, so it isn't that weird, I guess."

"Except we're Lily Evans and Severus Snape."

"Yeah. There _is that _minor difficulty." Snape was quiet for a moment, and then faced her. "I don't mean to be eavesdropping, but… what happened between you and Potter? When he said-"

-"I know." Lily broke his gaze, letting her hair fall over her face. "It's not important at all. It's stupid."

"Okay," Severus said, taking the hint that this was private business, but he _ached _for it. Instead, he tried to compliment her. "Last night. I thought it was really good."

"I kind of guessed that," she smiled, and at his expression, she exclaimed," I'm sorry! I didn't mean to hurt your feelings!"

He paled and stared out at the water. "I'm sorry if it was- sick. I didn't mean it-"

-"Don't apologise for something you have no control over," she told him. "It must be hard, having your body do things when you're thinking about- you know."

"You could have picked a better word than hard," Snape said wryly.

They looked at each other and laughed.

When they had stopped, Severus replied," Anyway, it _is… _difficult. I mean, I wish I could know what _you're _thinking."

"Ha ha," Lily said pleasantly, and then leaned over, kissing him on the cheek. "That's _part _of what I was thinking," she smiled and without warning, she got up and hurried off.


	6. Delicious

**AN: **Hey, just wished to thank you for all the reviews. I'm glad you are all enjoying this- I'm so into it, it's insane. I had up to half of this chapter in a notebook that I've been typing. Most of the rest is planned, but some… is just a complete surprise to even me. This chapter was a surprise, actually. And I must credit someone, though this has nothing to do with it… I had an RP long ago where a similar situation played out 'cept it was ice cream and it was JP/LE. So it wasn't half as good. (Lily, yes. Potter.. No, no.) But I must give her credit. Those were the days.

Anyway- thanks! And keep the reviews, coming, please! I love reading them.

**Chapter Six**

"**HA, HA!" **Slughorn was hooting. "I knew, I knew, I knew it! I knew it, knew it, knew it!" He began to skip around a certain desk, where a potion was brewing beautifully, an hour early. "The greatest match in the world and it was all my doing!" he sang, and despite his humiliation for this being Slytherin's house leader, Severus grinned widely.

If only Slughorn knew the extent of his match-making skills.

Some of the class mates were laughing. Others, like Remus Lupin, looked perplexed. And of course, there was James Potter, with uttermost fury written upon his face.

Excitedly, Slughorn had them give a play-by-play of the way they'd shortened the potion's brewing time, and was thrilled at the news that they had used their skills to moved ingredients around, despite what the recipe had said.

"Obviously," the professor began proudly," these two were using their brains, which is more than I can say for _some _of you. Potions is _not _like Tranfigurations, nor Charms- do this step first, this step next, or the spell will not work. You must be _keen _to get ahead in Potions. Brilliant work, Evans and Snape."

Snape surveyed the sea of faces, quite amused. Although he finished early quite often, he was not one of Slughorn's favourites, and never received so much praise. He felt as though he were being stared at from behind, and turned.

James Potter was glaring at him fixedly. He'd never looked this angry. Rather, he'd always had the upper hand, and never looked worried in the least.

_Get away _he mouthed, which Snape took to mean to get away from Lily.

"I didn't understand that," Snape said, cupping a hand over his ear. He sneered and looked away, leaving James fuming in his seat.

Slughorn clapped, and proclaimed," Imagine the possibilities if you lot were not so concerned with all of this Hogwarts rivalry mess!"

Potter dropped a vial he had been handling. It smashed into a million pieces and for the moment, the two Potions geniuses were forgotten.

**-,-**

"Severus!" came Lily's voice from down the staircase.

He turned. He had been heading to Divinations. Narcissa turned, too and looked at Snape accusingly. He figured she was preparing for Divinations by channeling her boyfriend.

Ignoring this, he headed down the hall. "Lily, all right?"

"Yeah," she panted. "Except I just ran three flights to catch you." She leaned against the wall, looking beat.

"That's maybe as pathetic as me," Severus stated, smiling.

"Shush. Anyway, nice job in Potions."

"You too. How did you end up finishing first?" he teased.

"It was all me, even though my partner claimed to know a lot. It was definitely all me."

"Really?"

"Maybe he helped _a little._" She laughed. "But, I was wondering if he'd like to sneak out to Hogsmede tonight, around seven."

"I dunno. I know him, and he's pretty sensible. Do you know how to do so without getting caught?"

"Yes, I've done it a ton of times. So, why don't you tell him to meet me in the Great Hall, seven o'clock sharp? I want to celebrate our little victory."

"Sure, I'll tell him. You have a good fourth period," Snape told her.

"You, too."

Smiling, Severus headed to his class, feeling rejuvenated.

**-,-**

A little after six forty, Snape set out to the Great Hall. He was clad in his white school shirt, jeans, and black boots. He was proud that he'd managed to charm his normally "disgusting" hair into what he found to be a good imitation of an elegant ponytail. His pallid face was decidedly clean and smooth, and his boots dusted. The only features left that truly belonged to the old Snape were his eyes; the pupils were dark, darting and reproachful.

He hurried up from the dungeons, and emerged into the main part of the school, walking hurriedly down the hallway. A few second year girls giggled as he went past. One Ravenclaw girl actually waved slightly and said,"_Hi_…"

Taken aback, Severus turned around. He flexed his fingers in a feeble wave, and muttered in his velvety voice," Hello."

The girls squealed as he wheeled around and continued. One of them exclaimed," Yum!" Severus was awe-struck. This was an entirely different sort of situation than he'd ever gotten himself into before. Usually, the younger kids had been taught about him by their older peers, and they'd hold their noses as he walked by.

His heart beating crazily, he searched the hall for Lily. And there she was, standing near the teacher's table.

He hurried toward her, and then stopped short. She was not in the school uniform he usually saw her in. Instead, she was clothed in a tightly fitting emerald sundress. Her dark red hair was free and wavy. She turned toward Severus, her crimson lips a pout which became a smile when she spotted him.

"Blimey," she commented, her eyes working their way down. "You look so…"

"Bad, is it?" he asked.

"Not quite the word I was looking for. Do you think _refined _does justice?"

"Wha- really?"

"Don't pretend," she joked. "What about this?" she questioned, and to his delight, she held out her arms and twirled around.

"I don't have a word in my vocabulary to describe that," he muttered.

"Hmm. I'll take that as a compliment." She held out a strangely coloured cloak. "Right, so here's the plan. I borrowed this from James. It's an invisibility cloak. We can both get under it, and this way, no one can see us."

"You know, this explains a lot of mysteries I've had in my childhood here," Snape said thoughtfully, examining the cloak.

"I can imagine."

Dumbledore entered the hall, humming.

"Quick," she whispered, and they ducked beneath the cloak. They walked slowly toward one of the entrances, away from the headmaster.

Suddenly, Dumbledore looked in their direction. "_Where are you going?" _he said calmly.

They stopped dead in their tracks, not even breathing.

"Back to study hall," came Frank Longbottom's voice behind them," I can assure you!"

Lily sighed in relief. "I thought he meant us," she whispered, and they headed toward the door again.

"No, Miss Evans, I'd rather like it if the two of you had a fun evening," Dumbledore told them matter-of-factly.

"Oh. Thanks, Headmaster," she said quietly, and quite bewildered, she and Severus headed out.

**-,-**

"So," Lily started," where to?"

They had uncloaked and were now in the middle of Hogsmede's square. Taverns, eateries, boutiques, and other shops were lit up prettily in the dusk.

Severus shrugged. Hogsmede was much nicer without his peers frolicking about. "I'm not sure. Where do you usually go?"

"That wouldn't be any fun!" Lily protested. "Besides, I don't think those placed would suit you. James and I usually look around the clothing stores and all."

"Oh." He definitely did not want to replay a date Lily had all ready been to with Potter.

"C'mon! Tell me where _you _go," she begged.

"To tell you the truth, I haven't been to Hogsmede since third year. And back then, Malfoy and I would just look at the Shrieking Shack, and kind of punch each other and say '_I dare you to go in!' _and then never do it."

Lily cracked up. "Why doesn't your choice of amusement surprise me? Normal places just aren't good enough for you, are they? You have to have haunted houses instead."

"That's when I was a kid!" Snape declared, blushing. "You don't honestly think I would _still _do that, do you?"

"Would you quit being so damned defensive?" Lily inquired, and without warning, she snuggled against him, her arm tightly around his lower back.

Totally mortified, Severus uncomfortably stayed in place, unsure of what to do. He was not used to touching people. Every touch he had known had been unpleasant.

"You really _don't know, _do you?" she inquired softly, facing him.

"Sorry- no." He lowered his head, bangs falling in his eyes. "You can go back now. I know I'm sort of stupid- I can't help that. It's just this is the first time, and I'm not really used to being social in any aspects, especially romantic ones, so you can just go home. I would understand." He muttered all of this in a single breath.

Lily laughed. Severus flinched.

"Why would I leave you for that? Just because you aren't a hot-to-trot bastard? No way! Here," she said helpfully, putting his arm around her shoulder. "You can do it this way, or you can put it the way I had it against you, or anything, really. What do you reckon?"

"This is good," Severus said, and pulled her closer.

They wandered down the street in silence. When at the end of the lane, they stopped, both uncertain of what to do. A small coffee shop was directly in front of them. Built of stone and looking quite grungy, it was plastered in flyers advertising poetry readings, bands, and missing owl posters.

"Looks a bit dodgy," Lily commented. "I'm up for a risk. How about you?"

"Not dodgy at all to me," he replied, desperately wondering how to turn her away. He hadn't any money.

"Come on then, Mister Adventure, I'll buy you some brown-coloured water," she stated, and pulled him in.

With that settled, Severus followed, a little ill at ease.

A bell jangled as they entered, and a twenty-something year old witch with hair charmed to look as though it were on fire showed them to a seat in the back. Not too far from their table was a little stage on which a band of three girls were singing a rather depressing folk song. The walls inside were covered with things, too- artwork, wanted posters, promotional flyers. The waitresses, all of them dressed uniquely, were laughing and looking as though they were having a lot of fun.

"I kind of like it," Lily stated. "It's cool inside."

"Sometimes you have to look harder, I guess," Severus told her, shrugging, and they looked at their menus.

A few moments later, the fire-haired woman returned. "Hey there. What do you fancy?"

Lily motioned to Severus.

"I guess I'll just have a cup of coffee," he said, pushing his menu toward the waitress.

"Lemme guess," Lily said. "Strong, dark and bitter, no cream or sugar?"

Severus grinned. "The _only _way."

"Ten points to the redhead. I like your dress," the waitress commented. "Now what will you have?"

Lily smiled. "Thanks, and I would like the iced cocoa. We'd also like to share a piece of your chocolate cake."

"Romantic," the lady put in, twitching her eyebrows.

"You don't have to do that," Severus said.

"You like chocolate, don't you?"

"Well, yeah, but-"

"Then it's settled." She shrugged at the waitress. "Sorry. He's a little argumentative."

"I understand." The woman winked, cleared their menus, and walked off.

This all seemed surreal to Severus. It was simply mind-blowing for a person so sensible. He couldn't help but shake off the worry that any moment, James Potter would jump out and laugh in his face.

Lily tilted her head. "What's wrong?"

He laughed a little ruefully. "We never really discussed your boyfriend. I mean, you know how I feel about him. But you two _are _dating. And what does that make _us_?"

"We aren't dating!" Lily exclaimed so quickly that Severus braced himself.

"Uhm… What?" he questioned satirically.

"Really! I didn't tell you, I guess. We're sort of on a break. I mean, so we're together, but not really."

Severus stared at her. "Why? Is it because of the thing you were arguing about?"

"Hm? Oh, that. Yeah, that's what it's about," she told him, nodding.

"I don't know how that makes me feel. Today, Potter was so angry at me for working with you, and it felt a little dangerous, I guess."

"It _is," _she insisted. "I mean, we're still a couple."

Severus was gripping the table, his knuckles becoming very peaked. "What is it that you want with me, exactly?"

"What are you talking about?"

"If you and Potter are sort of together, sort of not, and you kissed me, well, what does that make _me_?" he half-shouted.

"Severus, stop! I like James okay, sure. But I like you in a different sort of way."

"A feel sorry sort of way, is it?"

"_Is it sick to say you're my fantasy_?"

Snape stared. "I'm you're _what?"_

"Don't you make me say it again," she told him defiantly, and put her head in her hands.

"No. Please. What do you mean?" Severus beseeched, leaning forward.

"Everyone was always so obsessed with you since we all met in first year. Snivellus. You were quiet, introspective… All of my mates are loud, optimistic, jolly. You weren't. You aren't. I hated James, Sirius, Remus and Peter for what they did to you, but I liked it, too. Because then I got to see more of you. I got to defend you, though that never went anywhere, and when you said you didn't need me-" she looked crestfallen.

"I didn't want to look weak," he whispered.

"You weren't."

"You've liked me all of this time?"

"Yes- at least I've been fixating about you. But this year, James became more mature, and I realised that I like him, too. But it's different. It's comfortable, predictable. It's a little boring."

"_Boring_?"

"I didn't mean to be cruel to you. I really didn't- I was hurt. We were all brats back then, weren't we?"

"Pretty much…But, Lily?"

"Yes?"

He hesitated. _It's the truth- you have to say it._

"_I'm still one_."

"_Me, too_."

"Here you are," said the waitress, placing their cake and drinks upon the table.

They realised that they were only inches apart. They were leaning across the table, hanging on to each others' whispered words.

"Thank you," Lily muttered, not taking her eyes off of Snape.

"Don't get too serious in here," the woman kidded, and walked away happily.

Embarrassed, they settled down and gripped their drinks.

Wanting to talk so much that he was afraid, Severus drank a large gulp of coffee which was, unfortunately, very hot. He swallowed, but coughed violently, his face red. He held up his arms and breathed in.

Lily looked as though she were concerned.

They resumed their drinking, Severus a bit more cautious this time around.

"Does it scare you?" Lily asked, finally breaking the silence, to Severus' relief. "Me saying that I've been fascinated in you?"

"Scare me?" he asked softly. "No. It surprises me, but it doesn't scare me. The thing is, I've always been the same about you."

She smiled contemplatively. "Who would have thought?"

"Not me," he said honestly. He sipped his coffee, wondering why he was so lucky this week.

"We'd better eat this cake, then," she said to no one. It was a fairly grand piece of cake, with dark fudge icing and what looked like strawberry filling. Two forks were lying beside it. Slyly, she picked up one fork and dropped it upon the floor. "Oops. I guess we won't be using that!"

Snape looked at her quizzically.

"Do you want some?" asked Lily.

"Sure, but we should order another fork, or something-"

She put her finger to her lips to silence him, and slowly stabbed the utensil into the gooey cake, getting quite a large piece. "If this is to work, you'll have to loosen your lips."

"What?"

"Just do it," she commanded softly.

He opened his mouth a little, sweat trickling down the back of his neck as she slowly prodded his mouth with the spongy dessert. He gave in and took the offering, his whole body tingling with a sensation.

She handed him the fork when he was done. "How was it?"

"Good," he said, in awe.

"I'd like some now, if you don't mind," she hinted.

"O-okay," Snape put in hurriedly, eagerly. This was going a bit faster than other relationships he'd head about.

_But, shit! I have to make up for lost time!_

He cut off a piece of the cake and fed her, his eyes focused on her lipsticked mouth and the way it widened around the square. She licked her lips as though she knew what he was watching so intently.

"That was delicious," she said casually.

Severus was fully aroused, now.

They continued this until the cake was gone, which, in Snape's opinion, was much too soon.

And it was nine o'clock.

The two of them picked up the fallen fork, joked with the waitress, and left the coffee house, trudging along in the summer night.

**-,-**

"I don't want to go back," Lily admitted when they were almost back to school.

"Me either. I've never done anything like this before," he told her. "Though I'm sure you probably do it all the time with Potter."

"Ha!" she scoffed. "Right." She looked away.

"Seriously?"

"Nothing like that." She cleared her throat. "Anyway, it was fun._ Really _fun."

He was still hung up on her comments about Potter, though he was glad she'd never done this particular thing with him. He couldn't believe this news; Potter always made it seem like he was quite the Casanova.

"When will I get to see you again- like this?" Snape asked heavily.

"Soon, I think," she promised.

"Are you sure?"

"Soon! I should go now," she told him, and was off.

_What have I gotten myself into? _Severus thought, and he felt excited.


	7. The Populars

**Chapter Seven**

"Severus, can you assist me on this?"

Snape snapped out of the daydream he had been having about his date with Lily the night before. He looked up from where he'd been hunched over, staring blankly at his Transfigurations essay.

Malfoy was staring at him, cold eyes wide.

"Aah!" Severus exclaimed, and popped up, whirling around. "What are you _doing_?"

"A little jumpy today, are we? What were you thinking about?" Lucius' voice seemed strung out- it was missing its usual punch of cruel sarcasm.

"Did you call me Severus before?"

"Yes…?"

"Why? You've been referring to me as Snape for the past four years, nearly. Need a favor, do you?" Severus eyed his peer skeptically. "What homework is it you want me to look over, then?" he barked.

Lucius sulked. "Why would I only be speaking to you for _that_?"

"**Why **are you being nice to me?"

"Here," Lucius stated lazily, shoving his paper toward Snape. "Thought you'd looked it over, like the old times."

"Old times? What the _fuck_, Malfoy? Maybe you don't remember, but you disowned me for much cooler people."

"I wouldn't say they're cooler. Just better dressed…" He thought a moment. "Yes, I suppose they _are _cooler, I mean-"

Severus was in no mood for this. _Just when I have something important in my life, Malfoy wants to take me back so I can be his homework slave again. _

Severus shrugged. "I don't care what you say, Malfoy. I'm having a good week, and nothing is going to mess with it, all right?" He grabbed the paper, and surveyed the first few sentences. "Honestly, you've spelled 'incantation' wrong, and your thesis is ridiculous." He passed it back to Malfoy.

"Thanks. You always _were _the honest one." Lucius' eyes glowed hungrily, and Snape could tell now that this had nothing to do with reports. "So, you've been having a good week? First time in years, is it?"

"Pretty much," Severus told him dryly, and bent over his essay once more.

"Does this have anything to do with you coming in late, never studying after classes, and being a bit more- _productive _then usual?"

Severus turned red. "**I've been busy with school work**!" he bellowed.

"Where at? And apparently, this school work puts you right in the mood. Where can I get some of it?" Lucius inquired snidely.

"You don't know what you're talking about! You have absolutely no clue whatsoever. I've been **studying**, and just because you can't find me doesn't mean I'm running amok in the Forbidden Forest or something!"

Malfoy's eyes flickered. "_Dear, dear, dear._ You're hiding something _awfully _big, or else you wouldn't have had to paint me that quite adorable picture of you frolicking around with the centaurs in the woods, though I must say it is _very _funny. You are the **most **predictable person I know."

"Anyone who hangs out with Bellatrix Black would say that, now wouldn't they?" Severus muttered, but it was too late. Lucius was on one of his rants.

"Welcome to the life of Severus Snape. Please disregard body odor, bad hair, strange temper, and lack of courageousness." Snape gritted his teeth. Other Slytherins were listening now, chortling. "Studying is done in the library, or the common room. Directly after classes, you study, study, study. You never fly off so quickly after dinner, and who are you fooling? You've never taken as many baths in all the years you've been here than this week's total _combined_. Correction about the title of this study: It's actually called the _lack _of life of Severus Snape. Tell me why that's changed, Sev."

"**Nothing's going on and don't call me that**!"

Lucius grabbed Severus' arm and latched on. _"Tell me and I'll leave you alone. No more insults. We can be friends again. You can hang out with the Populars."_

Severus could not deny that this was a good offer. Beneficial and advantageous, if Severus got introduced the crowd Lucius was now hanging around, he could almost guarantee himself success. Not to mention being free of torment from fellow Slytherins.

"I told you, Lucius Malfoy, _nothing _is going on that I would like for you to know. Now get your hand _off _of me," Severus growled in a guttural tone.

Lucius snorted, and gave Snape's arm one last, excruciating squeeze. "See you around, Snivelly." He swaggered away.

_Bloody fucking prat, I wish I could curse him to make him ugly. But I don't care, I don't care. As long as Lily likes me, than I don't need Slytherins, I don't need Malfoy, and I don't need to be a Popular. _

And with this, he set his Transfigurations work aside, and began to write Lily a long note.

**-,-**

The day was becoming too boring to bear. Severus had only seen Lily from a far today. He had no classes with her to speak of, all were either only Slytherins or double with the Ravenclaws. Snape's insides were positively insane- he was nervy, full of butterflies, and on the constant lookout for Evans. Every flash of auburn made him turn. Every Gryffindor tie made him look over the scene again. Every time he heard a girl talking, he was sure it was her.

_I should be in Saint Mungo's_, he thought amusedly. He'd been infatuated with her long before this, certainly. But back then, there had been no promises of meeting, no way of knowing how good touching her could _actually _feel. He wanted **more.**

In anguish, he realised his next class was being a helper in Potions for first years. Dumbledore had set it up for him, saying he needed to pass on his talents to aspiring students. Severus loved the power, but hated the stupid questions they asked. He didn't really know why Dumbledore was trying to be nice to him. He actually kind of liked the Headmaster, but he had trouble understanding why the Headmaster would like _him. _

This period always went the same. Snape would start out helping the children by walking around and giving them tips. Soon, he'd be frustrated and make a few of them cry, and Slughorn would plead desperately for him to grade reports and bottle ingredients.

Today, though, despite the Malfoy encounter, Severus was in quite high spirits. No one cried, and when one little boy mixed his potion wrong and it exploded, Snape merely showed him what he'd done wrong. Slughorn looked touched. He even stopped class a few minutes early because everyone was doing so well.

"Well done, all," he praised, strolling around the room proudly. "I will make an announcement to you now that I am certain you will be delighted to hear. Our prized Quidditch player, James Potter, is graduating this year, along with a few other notables- beaters Lucius Malfoy and Isabelle Crane, to name a few. Anywho, the staff and I have prepared quite a treat for you all this weekend. We will be holding our very own Quidditch tournament, in which our teams will play each other in a series of matches this Saturday, beginning at five in the morning. We will spend all day on the field, only stopping to have a delicious picnic lunch and dinner. This way, we can honor our great stars before they leave Hogwarts."

The first years "oohed" and "aahed". Severus stifled a cough.

_Quidditch all day? Take me now. I'll probably die of boredom. Quidditch is so, so, so, SO stupid._

Somewhere between the first and the fourth 'so', Severus was suddenly struck by a magnificent idea. The thought of it sent pleasurable shivers up his spine. He couldn't wait until the end of class.

When the bell sounded, he hurried over to Professor Slughorn.

"Professor?"

"Mister Snape! What a pleasure it was, today!" Slughorn commented, sticking out his hand.

Snape shook it, his mind on other matters. "Thank you, sir, but-"

"I never thought I'd say this, but Dumbledore was right. You had some talent with these students today. I was impressed."

"_Thank you, I-_"

"Have you ever considered taking over this class when I'm old and grey? Oh, I know what you're thinking! _'You're all ready pretty old!'_"

"No, not at all, sir, I wasn't thinking-"

"You could teach them all of your tricks. Run me right out of a job, you sneak!"

"**Professor**!"

"Yes?" he blinked, having been snapped out of his trance.

Severus drew in a breath. _Finally, honestly… _"Some of us don't like Quidditch. And, it isn't that we hate it- it's just, we're dreadfully busy and have an awful lot of work to do. Is there any way some of us could skip a bit of the match tomorrow and study in our common room?" _It's not REALLY a lie._

Slughorn looked a bit disappointed in Snape again. "You'd miss this great event?"

"I _have _to, if possible."

"I think that is just fine, Severus. Though a little boring, and you _could _use some sun-"

Snape smiled. "Thank you! See you later!" He hurried out.

Professor Slughorn stared blankly after him.


	8. Of Flying Objects and Letters

**AN: **grins Well, in the last chapter, my mother made it into this fic. In the form of Slughorn. "..You _could _use some sun…" That was totally my poor mother. I am constantly writing this. I am loving it. I adore your reviews- they make me laugh, smile, and angst. (Just because angsting **had **to be included.) Enjoy.

**Chapter Eight**

_Dear Lily,_

_I've been thinking about you and last night a lot today. Which means a lot because normally I only think that much about cursing people or homework. I've never thought about something this much in a good way. I guess that's pretty morbid._

_Last night was the first true date I've been on, and I felt it went accordingly, considering that the only experience I've had that even comes close took place in fifth year (also known as Hell) and involved Malfoy pretending that Narcissa Black liked me. (It did not get far, I can promise you.)_

_Oh! Due to some rather unfortunate news, I've had a thought:_

_Did you hear about Sluggy's surprise? Apparently, we're to be put to a long, drawn out death whilst watching match upon match of that ever popular sport, Quidditch. Are willing to force yourself into this dire torture or (and here's the thought) are you willing to be rescued?_

_Write back._

_-S.S._

_**Dear Severus,**_

_**I'm flattered to be the first positive thing you brood about, although cursing people and homework are certainly important. I am also so happy that last night was your first date- Yes! It belonged to ME! And fifth year WAS Hell, wasn't it? I sort of remember the Narcissa Black experience. Wasn't goo involved? I'm sorry.**_

**_That _is _rather unfortunate news, and I must say I had all ready heard it. Quidditch from dawn until much after dusk to me is like fingernails being ripped out. I should probably attend it a little, so Mr. Seeker feels a little bit of love, but I can easily slip out. How is one o'clock?_**

**_How brilliant of you to request this. But I believe it's to be _me _rescuing _you.**

_**Love,**_

_**L.E.**_

_Dear Lily,_

_Goo was indeed involved. _

_Fingernails being ripped out is a worthy metaphor for Quidditch, I believe. One o'clock? That's certainly enough of the Q- word to last me a lifetime, but I'll suffice it. Let's meet outside the gates. Then, I can show you around the Slytherin common room, which I bet you're just dying to see._

_And, yes, I guess it _is _you rescuing _me. _But I think I'll be rescuing you at least at _little

_Write back!_

_-S.S._

_PS: You sound very angry about said Mr. Seeker. Anything you'd care to share?_

_**Dear Severus,**_

_**Great. One o'clock. I'm also impressed that you'll be showing me your common room? Isn't that breaking school rules? **_

_**About HIM… he's just annoying me as usual. It used to be his arrogance that bothered me, now it's his clinginess. He's always there, trying to tell me something, or make me laugh, or I don't even know! I just tire of it.**_

_**And of course you'll be rescuing me a little, Severus! I just had to put you in your place.**_

'_**Till tomorrow,**_

_**L.E.**_

_Dear Lily,_

_No, I wouldn't classify it under breaking rules, since Slughorn knows that we'll be in the dorm room. Of course, he does not know it's _you _and he just thinks it's a bunch of antisocial Slytherins like myself. Why he would think that, I don't know, since they're all extroverted loonies._

_Clingy? I can't stop thinking about you and I want to be with you. Is that clingy?_

_Thanks. I've always needed someone to do that._

_-S.S._

_**Dear Severus,**_

_**Poor Slughorn. If only he knew how great his skills were. He would either blow a fuse or leap for joy at the news of us. I'm not quite sure, but I do like the man.**_

_**Clingy? Severus Snape? No. Far from it. I'm happy to hear you want to be with me, though. With James, it's more of, 'I want you to listen to me talk about how funny I am.' Ugh.**_

_**I'm glad you don't mind my pushiness. And I REALLY can't wait for tomorrow. **_

_**Love,**_

_**L.E.**_

_**PS: I can't stop thinking about you either.**_

Severus grinned, stifling a laugh of joy. He and Lily had spent the entire period of study hall writing messages back and forth. And now, stretched out upon his bed, Severus was reading their notes obsessively, again and again. It was around eleven o'clock, but he was hardly tired.

_I'll see her tomorrow. We can actually be alone! _he thought excitedly. All of the other meetings had included Pince, the public eye, and broad daylight. Tomorrow, it would just be himself, Lily Evans, and the dungeon common room.

_Which has couches_, egged on Snape's subconscious._ And it leads to the dorms._

**_Shut up, you! _**Snape told this little voice.

_The dorms have beds. Your bed, in fact. Right where you're lying. And tomorrow, if you're suave enough, Lily could be lying here, too. _

_**Yes, but it won't-**_

_You can still _think _about it. And don't think you haven't. Don't try to act like this wasn't your plan all along. Studying? Ha!_

Severus turned onto his side, trying to change the subject.

_Think about it. Lily could be here. _

_**It's not going to happen!**_

_When has that stopped you before? She could be right here._

Unable to resist any longer, Severus lowered his hand and began.

_Lily and me… She licked her lips… Her mouth was opened- I love her mouth. I love her._

He moaned quietly.

**BAM!**

Severus bolted upright.

"What the-"

It seemed a solid object had been propelled at his canopy. He inched out, and peered down at the floor. A dragon leather boot sat there, guiltily.

He slid the canopy open a little and peeked around the room. Everyone seemed to be sleeping.

But a second glance with eyes now used to the darkness, Snape realised that Malfoy's eyes were wide open.

"What _are _you doing?" Snape asked quietly, ears red.

"That's disgusting, Severus," whispered the blond haired boy prudishly. "And until you tell me what's going on, I don't think I can tolerate it in my dorm room. Though maybe it's one of the things that helps me sleep, being that I hear it _every damned night._"

"_Shut the fuck up_," Severus said coldly. "Just leave me alone." He closed the canopy in anger.

"You're **pathetic**. You know what? Go ahead and do it. It's all you're going to get. **Ever. **Goodnight," the Malfoy said pleasantly.

Humiliated out of his mind, Snape said nothing, but wished that he could somehow prove Lucius wrong.

"But… erm…" Lucius started up again, his voice seething with snobbery. "I must ask you to be quiet now, actually. I need my beauty sleep for the match tomorrow. They're all counting on me, you know? So, no more playing tonight or I'll throw my pillow next." He laughed meanly to himself and yawned primly.

Muttering curse words with a red face, Severus covered his head with his own pillow and thought of ways he could hex or poison Malfoy, given the opportunity.


	9. The Worst Voice

**Chapter Nine**

"And Malfoy was knocked so hard, he nearly fell off! That would have been painful!" cried Professor Slughorn in uttermost angst. "His brother could have blocked that easily, but there you are!"

Lucius made a distinctly livid glance, and took off, having once again regained his composure. Sheila O'Flaugerty, one of Gryffindor's beaters, had mauled him and mauled him well. Lucius Malfoy was like Sirius Black in the sense that it took a lot to make them look bad.

Severus snorted with laughter. It was the one amusing thing that had happened all morning. _Since five AM, how very depressing. _Still, this moment was truly worth it, although every second he had checked his watch. At lunch, which was pure lunacy (fights over turkey sandwiches, which were decidedly _fun, _at least that was what Slughorn described them as), Severus had spied upon Lily eating with the Marauders, but no words had been exchanged.

_What's she thinking? Is she excited? If I don't see her soon, I might go mad. But, of course no one would really notice. I can't believe it's after lunch and we've only gotten through one game. That makes me want to pray for sweet death._

Snape checked his watch again. **12:49.**

_Good enough._

Without wasting time, he climbed out of the stands and hurried down the stairs. When he reached the entry gates, he checked his watch again. **12:52.**

_Shit, I'm more athletic than I thought. Cool._

He tapped his foot impatiently, wondering how his breath smelled, how his hair looked… He'd used some sort of mints and had attempted to charm his hair to be smooth, but one never really knew. _The only thing Malfoy would be good for right now is a mirror. He has like ten in his school bag. Fuck, I hate him._

**12: 56.**

_I really do hate him._

**12:56.**

_What? NO time passed? God DAMN it._

**12:57.**

_Okay, that's better. Maybe if I sing a song…_

"Severus!"

"Lily!" Snape exclaimed, a little more blaring than was needed. "I was afraid-" he stopped mid-sentence.

She stopped walking, now beside him. Her auburn hair was pulled into a sort of ponytail that wrapped around and rested upon her left shoulder. She was wearing her school uniform, sans robes. He swallowed, so amazed by her beauty.

She made a face. "You were afraid I wasn't going to show up? Sever-_us_!" she declared, hand on hip. "I wouldn't pass this up for anything. Who else would get to see where the enemy does their homework?"

"Ha, ha. Good."

They began to walk, talking a little about the match. Severus wanted so much to touch her, but he felt a strange sensation in the space between them. Of course they could not show their affection in the hallways of school, though… He _wanted _to.

_Pathetic, pathetic. PERVERT._

He tried to focus on what she was saying until they reached the dungeons.

"Ooh, creepy. How can you even sleep down here? I guess I didn't think about it until now," Lily cried, astonished.

He laughed. "It isn't too bad when you're an ugly serpent who hates the light."

She nudged his arm, making it tingle pleasurably. "Oh. Yeah. I forgot."

They approached the doorway at the end of the corridor with a painting of a sour looking count.

"You're a Slytherin now, Lily. And the password is _cadaver,_" Severus muttered to her.

"Surprise, surprise," she smirked. "Cadaver," she said.

"_I say!" _hyped the count. _"Saying it just like she belongs to our house! Disgusting! Why, in my day-"_

"She said the password. Just let us in," Snape sighed.

"_The things children do these days. Let just anyone into Salazar's common room, absurd!" _bantered the painting, swinging open, begrudgingly letting them through.

"He wouldn't tell, would he?" Lily asked quietly.

"Him? No, he's just a fussy old man who's full of hot air. None of the other portraits even listen."

They continued down the murky steps. Severus was worrying that perhaps she would be put off by his common room. It was, as she stated, _creepy, _at least for someone who'd never seen it.

"Sad!" Lily exclaimed. "How much further is it down?"

"One floor. But then, the dorms are another floor down." Severus caught his mistake, and blushed, hoping she had not noticed.

Lily smiled. Nodded. "Oh," she said, and it was hard to tell _what _she thought.

Clearing his throat, Severus tried to change the subject. "So, when I first came here, I was a little put out at being thrust underground at night." Lily chuckled. "Then, I got to liking it. It's pretty private."

"Yes, because the rest of us are too freaked to try and break in! I'm excited, though," she added. "James and Company would kill to get down here."

Snape was silent. He wanted to say that this would be the most horrible occurrence that Slytherin had ever seen, but he refrained. "Here we are," he stated, and opened the door.

"Oh!" Lily breathed, stepping into the dimly lit common room. "It's actually _really _beautiful!"

"Really? Thanks!" Severus said, as though he were responsible. It was quite a nice room- dark wood with emerald everywhere and touched of glittery silver in between. The black leather couches and chairs were stationed together in the central area, while a study area a bit further back provided a table and slightly more practical chairs.

She walked toward one of the couches. "May I?"

"Of course. I didn't invite you here to make you stand." He watched her intently as she got comfy upon the couch, spreading her legs a bit in the process. No underwear was seen, but still, the skirt billowed a little, and besides, with her thighs open like that… _Don't, _he warned himself, trying to stand very still.

Lily looked at him with a small smile. "What _are_ you thinking about?"

"Nothing."

"Okay, then get over here!" she told him.

He meandered over and sat next to her, though quite a measurable distance away. He kept thinking about her legs. _This is crazy. I am so stupid. Why did I invite her here?_

"You could at least pretend we _know _each other," she said sullenly, and scooted closer to him. "You're hard to read, you know?"

"I try to be," he replied.

"Why?" She leaned back and looked at him.

No one had asked him that before. He struggled to answer. "I guess- I guess there are a lot of things that go on in my life that I'm sort of ashamed about, and I suppose that I feel like if I told anyone, it would lessen their views of me. Which is completely thick, because I don't think many people at this place have much of an opinion of me anyhow."

She put her hand upon his and squeezed. "Don't be daft. Like I told you before, everyone thinks you're so mysterious and smart, and strong, actually-"

"Strong?" He rolled his eyes, but gripped her hand with his own. "But mysterious… I guess that's what I like to be."

"Does _anyone_ know about your home life?" she questioned softly.

He sighed. "One person. At least one person _did, _though he probably told _everyone. _And besides, he only knows a little- fuck, I can't stand him!" Snape let his head fall back against the cushiony couch.

"Who?" she asked, and massaged his fingers. "_Baby, who_?"

Snape was astonished at her words. _Baby. She called me 'baby'? Like I'm innocent, or sweet? _But it gave him a strange feeling. A _good _feeling. Like she cared.

"Lu-Lucius Malfoy," he stammered, feeling very vulnerable suddenly. "I thought he and I were best mates, but by fourth year, he was onto better things. Better people. He started to mock my clothes, my life, my house…"

"He's so scary," Lily whispered. "Severus, you **cannot **let him get you down like this! He's manipulative and mean. He-"

"He was supposed to be my **friend**!" Severus burst out bitterly. "I thought he understood. He has problems of his own, but suddenly, he just _accepted _them. Like he _wanted _them. And like I was stupid for complaining about my father's temper, and-"

Lily's eyes were wide and sad. "Your father has a temper. How bad? What does he do?"

"I- I can't."

"You _have _to talk about this, Severus. Get it out in the open. And _I _care. I would **never **repeat this, do you hear me?"

Severus inhaled slowly. "_I believe you," _he avowed, and looked down at his lap, at the floor, anywhere but at her pleading eyes. He knew he needed to speak about this, and suddenly, he wanted her to know.

Abashed, he thought about where to begin.

He exhaled and closed his eyes. "My father has the worst voice," he murmured, and when he noticed she was not speaking, not laughing, he went on.

"It cuts right through me. He's always so loud. Always _fucking _yelling. Yelling at my mum. Yelling at me, yelling at my sister, until she left. Screaming. Bloody _shouting _at the top of his lungs, you know?" Severus' own voice was trembling. "And… he says the most awful things. It would be different if he were a drunk. Not better, but more understandable…. But the truth is, when he _does _drink, he gets _better. _All of this insulting, screaming- he does when he's sober…" Severus' voice was raising, Lily was leaning in closer.

"And- that **bastard**! My mother works so **fucking **_hard, _and when she gets home, she has to deal with him, sitting there on his ass all day, thinking of terrible things to say her. My mother is smart. Mum is _so smart_, and he takes advantage of her! And she's so _tired _that she lets him. Lets him scream at her! Lets him scream at **me! **Hell, she _watches _him scream at me, and then tells me afterward not to complain. 'He's your dad, Severus. He means well. It makes you stronger. You _need to be stronger._' "

Severus' voice broke. "I used to think she wasn't evil like him, but now… The last time we were all together-" Severus gaved a forced, hateful laugh-" he called me a disappointment, for the thousandth time. She agreed. They sat there-" he breathed in- "_belittling me together. Like it was some kind of **game.**"_

"_What did you do_?" mumbled Lily.

"I did what I always do. Pretended like I didn't give a shit. But," Severus gave that horrible, stomach-turning laugh again,"I suppose that really wasn't the _best_ tactic." He began to breathe in and out furiously, his shoulders shaking violently. "They-" his voice rose-" kept yelling at me. I felt like my ears would burst. My father was enjoying it so. _Fuck up_, I think he said, too. I kept telling him to stuff it, he doesn't even know me- how could he, I never talk to him, he never talks to me. He said-" Severus' voice cracked again-" that no one would have to know me very well to think those things. Then I… I told him I hated him, and said he was dragging mum down, too. And he looks at my mother and screams.

'**ELAINE'-"**

Lily jumped, startled.

"'**ELAINE, YOU BITCH! IS THAT THE TRUTH?'" **Severus' teeth were clenched, his voice had darkened, deepened. The volume lingered everywhere. On the walls, floating in the air. In his mind. "And she looks at me like- like she wants to throttle me, and she says _no._ No. I just **died**," he said. "They had a row for all of two seconds, where my father hit her across the face until he was satisfied that she was being honest. And then, he just-" Severus pressed his face into his hand-"came after me."

"What-"

"Beat me good the last time," Severus whispered," He threw me against the wall, just clobbered me. My nose was bleeding- I was trying to hold him off, but… He had his hands around my neck, soon and he held on until I was almost suffocated. Then he **laughed. **I don't care about him, though," Severus said defiantly. "But… when I was on the floor, trying to breathe and trying to get up, I looked above me, and I saw _Mum. Just watching. _And then, she went into their room and shut the door."

He whimpered, feeling like an idiot, though he couldn't help it. "She didn't stop him. I don't know why I was surprised- she hardly ever has, except- _every time _I just keep hoping she'll choose **me and not him**."

He stopped talking, afraid to look at Lily. _Ashamed _at what she'd think.

Lily shifted beside him. "Severus, I never thought it was like that. _Never_. I'm so sorry-"

"**Please don't be sorry**," he demanded.

And suddenly, he simply collapsed onto her, sobbing quietly. He hadn't spoken of his home life for years, and the impact of hearing his own words aloud made him realise how very much he had been keeping a secret.

"_I'm so scared," _he said into her hair. "Because every day, I look into the mirror and I see **him**. Why couldn't I look like my mum?" he screamed. "And I'm getting his **voice**, listen to me! I'm so scared I'm going to grow up _just like him._"

"Shh," Lily comforted. "You won't."

She held him there, stroking his dark locks and burying her face into his neck. They sat there for what seemed like hours.

Finally, Lily said," I wish they knew!"

When Severus pulled back questioningly to look at her, she made herself very clear. "James, Sirius, everyone! I **hate **what they've done to you- torturing you and bullying you while you go back home to get the very same- I wish they knew-"

-"I **don't!**" Severus shouted. "They would have more to laugh about! Have more reasons to fuck with my head! I don't want _anyone _to _ever _take power over me! And if they knew all of that, they'd be _powerful, _Lily! If you say **anything-**"

"I won't!" she promised. "I wouldn't _ever!" _

"I believe you," he said again.

They sat quietly. Snape was uncertain of what to do or say. _Great job. Kill the mood. Kill the day. She thinks you're a little weak prat, now. Snivellus. You certainly _are _Snivellus. Holy Salazar. How pathetic. _

He put his head against the arm rest.

Lily examined him as though she thought he'd shatter. "I can leave you, you know. Let you be alone. I didn't mean to push you to tell all that, though I'm awfully glad you did. And you may not think you're strong, but I think so. I think so! You go back there every summer and take it, don't you?" She turned away. "Anyhow, I'll go, if it makes you feel better."

"I don't want you to leave me here," Severus said hoarsely. "But you can if you _want._"

"Not a chance," she told him and gripped his shoulder.

He turned around and studied her. She really _was _concerned. It was more than he could say about anyone he'd ever talked to or met. She gazed back at him, her eyes wanting to read him. He thought of every time she'd ever defended him, helped him, and stood up for him in front of her _friends. _And for the moment, he felt like everything was okay.

He leant toward her. She closed her eyes, moving her face to meet his more easily. Their lips pushed together perfectly, this time. It seemed a perfect fit. Severus was, crazily enough, so much more relaxed than the prior incidents. His fingertips grazed her cheeks, he held onto her face lightly and she grasped his chest.

_I can trust her, _he thought.

She took her lips off of his, holding him tighter. She bent forward once more, bringing her lips to his, and this time, sneaking in her tongue. Severus accepted it willingly, returning his own. Before they knew it, Lily was lying down upon the sofa, and Snape was hovering above her as they snogged.

In an instant, they pulled away from one another. Seemingly, each had noticed how very serious this was becoming extremely fast.

She sat up, and Severus tried to be sensible, knowing this was not going to go any further and that it was all over. Finished. He felt a bit embarrassed that he'd ever imagined that it would amount to anything more, and he did not want to deal with any more disappointment. He thought about what he should say to keep himself from sounding too hurt.

"Well…" Lily began before Severus could think of anything to say.

He looked at her. _She's going to tell me this can't go any further. She's done with me and now she wants Potter._

She smiled. "Weren't you going to show me your dorm room?"


	10. Green into Gold

**Chapter Ten**

"Yeah, so here it is," Severus said coolly, trying not to sound enthusiastic. He couldn't get his hopes up because he knew he was being really foolish. He opened the door, and Lily entered the Slytherin dorm room.

"So this is where the bad boys sleep," Lily murmered quietly, half- joking. He studied her. She was really taking this in, staring at the walls, the carpet, the mess of some of the sleeping areas.

_The bad boys. _Severus liked that.

She shook a finger, her hair shimmering. "Right, now don't tell me! I'm going to guess which bed's yours."

"Sure, good luck," he laughed.

Lily weaved in and out between the five canopy beds, looking at photographs, strewn clothing… She paused at Lucius Malfoy's bed. "Lord! Does this person think there's a maid here at Hogwarts?"

Severus' smile twinged.

"Don't tell me this is yours!"

He chuckled darkly at the unmade bed, the books and snacks every where. "Nope. Malfoy's."

"Oh." Lily got quiet, meeting Severus' gaze, but then said," it figures. Yuck."

She moved down to the end of the line. Snape's heard began beating. The smoothed out covers. Books stacked all over a small chest. Books upon the floor. No mirror. No photographs. Just drab.

She glanced at him. "Yours." It was a statement. She did not even have to confer. Lily sat upon the edge of the bed, where the canopy was slightly open. She bounced a little.

It was all Severus could do to not get excited. He looked away.

"I guessed!" she exclaimed. "Don't I get some sort of prize?"

He turned back. "Prize?" he said skeptically, fingers growing clammy.

"Yeah, you've got an awful lot of books here. I'll take one of them," she grinned.

Severus couldn't tell whether or not she was kidding. "Oh," he said, hoping the tone of disappointment was not all too large.

"I like it," she told him. "It's nice."

"What?" He was utterly lost now.

"Your _bed_," she declared, giggling. "Don't worry, I won't steal your books. Severus- what's _wrong_?"

He realised he'd been staring right through her, thinking. Thinking about everything.

Severus snapped out of his state and stepped closer to her. Her slender legs hung off the bed. She was poised leaning forward, her green eyed wide and inquiring.

"Could I… That is… Can I kiss you?" he asked, his voice quavering.

Lily stared at him in momentary silence. "That's the prize I _really _wanted," she said simply, and he bent over her. She raised up her face to meet him. He pulled his hands through her red bangs, and their lips met again.

They kissed harder, more passionately with each second. Severus' hands fumbled in Lily's hair- he undid the ponytail and the gleaming locks fell free around her shoulders. He stroked it thoroughly, his body pulsating.

Suddenly, Severus' hands fell upon her breasts. She looked up at him.

"Sorry!" he exclaimed, surprised at even himself.

"Don't be sorry," she whispered, and to his amazement, she unclasped her blouse and tossed it onto the floor.

Severus could not take it in quick enough. Her Gryffindor tie hung between her perfect breasts, kept enclosed in a silk bra. He kissed her vigorously, his hands moving back down to her chest. He softly began to feel her up.

Lily moaned gently, her lips making imprints on his cheek and neck.

_Just like my dreams. _

He fumbled with the back of her bra, so she assisted him, pulling it off with a brandish. His hands went around her breasts once more. He felt the nipples harden under his fingertips and breathed out.

She was undoing his shirt, pulling it off, feeling his naked chest with her hands. His Slytherin tie hung off of his neck as she backed up onto the bed, still sitting up. Severus followed her on his knees, and sat in front of her, kissed her again. His mouth slid down her chest and he moaned. He began drawing circles around her right nipple with his tongue.

Lily squirmed excitedly, pulling off her skirt and lying down, her perfect head upon his pillow, gazing up at him.

"Are you sure-" he began, scuttling off the bed and standing, shuffling with his pants zipper. He managed to pull off his trousers, his groin hardening more and more. "I don't know what I'm doing-"

She pulled down her panties and he was transfixed. He wanted all of her, now. He always had. And it was real.

He pulled off his own underpants with minor difficulties and stood quietly, wondering how much his ribs poked out and how scrawny he really was under all of that padding. Wondered if she thought he was gross because his chest was smooth.

Lily eyed him. Sat up, let her eyes wander down. "You," she said," are so… God, the other guys would _kill _for that-" he reddened slightly-" Severus, you don't realise how pretty you are."

He crept over her, planting a kiss on her lips which she returned.

"You don't know what pretty is, Lily Evans. Because you are gorgeous," he whispered. "So beautiful. And you and I, we don't even _compare_."

She seized him around the neck and held on, smiling. "Severus Snape," she began. "I'm so glad we got to know each other…"

"Me, too."

"Wait-" she said, and undid her tie. She did the same to him and then she wrapped her Gryffindor one around his neck. She placed his Slytherin tie around her own neck and smiled at him. "None of it matters at all now."

Severus looked amazedly at this woman. And as he took in what she had done, she grazed his cheek with her soft hand. He breathed in.

He knew it was time, and steadily, he put himself inside of her. His hands gripping the bedspread, he began to thrust slowly.

They were both panting, becoming louder and louder.

"**Ow**-" she cried at first, but then,"_Ooh. Yes! Severus…" _Her voice came out in breathless bursts as Severus went harder into her, and the room was becoming so many colours. Green and gold. Red and silver.

"_Lily… **Lily!" **_Her hands were weaving around him even more tightly, her body moving upward to fit him better.

He was yelling out her name, feeling absolutely blissful. And when it all rose to a crescendo- the room was circling around them, she was gripping his chest and calling him- and he came into her, it was better than he had ever imagined.

He collapsed beside her and pulled up the comforter. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders.

_So this is why all of the couples are so happy. Don't think I can blame them anymore._

She kissed his cheek, and they drifted off together, their ties twisted together. The colours looked lovely.


	11. Coward

**AN: **This may be stupid, but because the sixth book was completely ruined for me (still adored it, yet angsted majorly), I just wanted to warn everyone that this chapter includes an incredibly largeHBP spoiler. Thanks for reading!

**Chapter Eleven**

"Was it a dream?" Severus asked as he awoke. He rolled over on his side, and smiled when he saw Lily, perched at the end of his bed in only her blouse and underpants, reading one of his books.

"Judging by the look on your face, I wouldn't wager that," she told him triumphantly.

He sat up. "What time is it, anyway?"

"Only seven o'clock. And the Quidditch is still going strong, I'm happy to say."

"Whew," he let out, and fell back onto his pillow, closing his eyes.

"A little put out, are you?" she inquired slyly, as he prodded her with his foot from underneath the covers.

She grabbed it.

"Well, _yeah_," he replied honestly. "Are _you_ okay?" he asked.

"Oh, yes. Maybe a little… strained, but in a good way."

"It was fine, then?" Severus inquired quietly.

"It was-" she searched for the right word. "Wonderful. Fantastic." She grinned at him and released his foot.

"I love you."

Lily looked at him, and for a second, he thought he saw worry in her face. "What was that?"

Severus propped himself up on the pillow. "I said that I love you."

"No, you don't," she laughed, and turned the page in his book. "You certainly have a lot of spells in here. I'm impressed."

Severus jolted up. _My Potions book. _"Why are you looking at that?" he demanded.

"Calm down! I wanted to see what tips of mine you'd written! Quite a lot," she smiled.

He told himself to settle down as he got out of bed and rummaged around for underwear. Having found some, he pulled on his trousers and sat beside her.

"You're really sharp," she complimented. "All of these spells… Did you think of them on your own?"

"Yeah, I don't have much to do sometimes."

"I wouldn't belittle this, Severus. This is highly intelligible work for someone who was just bored."

He shrugged off the compliment, but felt proud.

Lily set down the textbook. "But why didn't you put your name?"

"What?" he asked, but he backed up a little, inhaled. _She noticed. _

"Half-Blood Prince? Kind of weird- are you like a super hero on the weekends?" she teased, poking him.

"**No**," he said dryly. _Severus! Why did you have to write that? It's so stupid. So bloody stupid._

The smile left her face. "Why, then?"

"My mother's maiden name is Prince. I want it to be **my** name. Anything besides **Snape. **Anything besides a name that has to do with _him. _I started calling myself awhile back. It helped a little, I suppose. A cool nickname. But I guess it's pretty idiotic," he muttered.

Lily put an arm around his shoulder. "Not especially. I come from Gryffindor, Idiotic Nickname Headquarters."

He laughed uncertainly. "I guess so."

They flopped backward and lay on the bed, staring up at the canopy.

"Severus Prince. I like it, but he sounds a little conceited."

"He is. But he's pretty cool."

They sat in silence for a moment, until Severus had to ask. "I was your first time, wasn't I?" It wasn't definite in his mind, but he thought so. He'd felt it.

"Yes, of course," she answered.

"Of _course_?" he repeated. "I guess I'm a little confused. You always talk about Potter like he and you never. Do anything."

"How so?" Lily played with her hair.

"Like after Hogsmeade. You said that you two had never done what we did, and you've sort of joked about he and you just kind of hung out. Or something. Am I correct?"

She sighed. "Kind of," she said hesitantly. "You're on the right track."

"You and Potter have never kissed?"

"I never said _that_," she exclaimed, smiling a little. Severus looked away. It irritated him.

"All right, then, have you made out?" he challenged.

She snorted. "What _is _this, twenty questions?"

"**Have you**?" Severus repeated, more loudly. He was beginning to get a sick feeling in his stomach.

"**YES**!" she answered; she matched his tone.

"Ugh," he stated, and sat up.

"Honestly! We _are _dating, you know! People do those things! And who are-" Lily caught Severus' aghast expression, and she suddenly noticed her mistake.

His eyes became angry slits. "So, you're _dating_? That's funny. I remember a few days ago that you were separated."

_Make this good, Evans. You better make this good._

She choked on her words as they came out- "Like I said, we _aren't _official, we- aren't-"

"**That's shit** and you **know it**."

"Yes, it is."

Severus' stomach turned. Now he wanted her to lie. "It is?"

"We were still dating, but it wasn't going well. I wanted _you_, Severus! I was tired of James. I've told you a million times!"

He breathed in. Tried to cool down. "Okay. I can deal with that. But why didn't you tell me?"

"I thought you'd be repulsed if you knew James and I had… And that we were still together."

"No, you aren't repulsive, even _if _you've been kissed by Potter." He settled back down and she chuckled. "So, you've never had sex with him?"

"No, Severus! No. I told you!"

"Right, okay." He was trying to make sense of all of it. "You wanted me," he told himself aloud, to try and make it real. "But James _Potter. _It just seems like any chance he had, he'd jump on you."

Lily shook her head. "It's like I've said. He gives an impression of being so suave and collected, but really, he would get _so _nervous! A little like you-" Severus found this extremely interesting, if not gross-"except more so. We'd snog, sure, but last time, he pushed me off because I guess I had gone too far, or something." She rolled her eyes, and laughed. "James Potter, the big macho boyfriend, said that he wanted to wait until we got married. Stupid, isn't it? Who knows when _that _will happen. He says he wants it to be next year, but I just couldn't…" she trailed off.

'_Until we got married.' _Severus was certain he'd heard her wrong. She must have said '_Until HE got married.' __But she didn't. She said what you're thinking. Does that mean..? They're getting **married**? And that she wanted to fuck him first, but he wanted to wait and she just went after me because…_

'_I just couldn't….'_

Severus sat up. "Until you got married?"

"Oh." Lily had once again realised her mistake. She sat up as well, her hair falling over her shoulders, and for once, Severus did not **want **to touch it. "Severus, I thought you knew!"

"**No**," he said, sneering grimly. "No, somehow you **forgot **that minor detail, though I can't really blame you. It's only been about a **week**."

"I didn't want you to-"

-"Think it would be bad to be in love with you?" interjected Snape crisply. "Think you were off limits?" he hollered. "Realise that you **didn't want me**? You just want to **fuck before you married Potter.** That's certainly an interesting memory you can tell your friends for decades! How Lily Evans ensnared the school _freak_."

"It isn't **like **any of that!" She was backed up, her knees pushed together. "I do want you! I **told **you that! I've always been fascinated with you and I didn't just want to make love on a whim!"

"Don't call it 'making love', it _wasn't making love," _Severus shouted in her face. He knew that he looked scary, he was clenching his teeth and his eyes were haunting and abused.

She whimpered quietly, shocked.

"It would have been making love if you were _in love with me. But you aren't! **You**_** wanted Potter but he wouldn't fuck you!"**

"**STOP CALLING IT 'FUCKING'!" **she screamed back at him. "**Fucking sounds dirty and low class**!"

"Well, I'm both of those things and that didn't stop you," he said meanly. His whole body was shaking.

Lily stood up, never taking her eyes off him, _like he'd take advantage of her if she wasn't careful_. She grabbed her skirt off the floor, stepped into it. "I need to go," she said quietly.

"No, you don't," he told her viciously.

"Don't be a jerk, Severus."

"I **am** a jerk, and you should call me _Snape!" _

At these words, she backed up. He stepped off his bed and started after her slowly. The two of them moved sluggishly, never looking away from each other's gaze.

Severus descended upon her, almost hungrily. "We never talked about _your _life, much," he said. "Come on, Evans, tell me about how your parents don't _get _you some more. It's really unfortunate," he tsked. "And your sister's a cow? What does she do, wear your makeup while you aren't home?"

"Shut up," she quavered.

"Let me guess about how your _house _looks," he continued. "I'll bet it's one of those ones that has the cute, little picket fence. It's light blue and fairly large, with flowers everywhere. Your father's always out in the garden. People slow down their cars to admire how _perfect _it is."

"Stop it," she warned.

"I'm right, aren't I? You have absolutely _nothing _to complain about. You could have stayed with your _perfect _boyfriend, you could have just left me alone! **Why didn't you just leave me alone**?" he shuddered, because now, he knew. He knew instantly how everything was going to turn out.

Lily stood firmly in her place. "I thought you were decent! In fact, I _know _you are, but if you keep treating people the way you are treating me right now-"

"How about the way you** treated _me_**? _Used me_. You used me, Lily Evans! And you don't even _see it! _I told you about my _life-" _now _his _voice was wavering-" and you just got what you wanted out of me, didn't you? **Lily's little pity shag. **I hope that it holds you off until marriage so you don't have to pursue _other _losers."

"How _dare _you!" she shouted. "It **wasn't **like that!"

"Tell me, then, Evans. How was it _like_?"

"I wanted it to get this far, but I didn't _mean _it to! I never thought it _would _get this far, I didn't even mean to _kiss you_, but I _did. _I just couldn't stop myself. I wanted you to feel good about yourself- I wanted to be friendly to you. It just… Got too serious," she finished, and Snape had to credit her with at least _looking _sorry. But rage still seethed inside him.

"You took my feelings for you and used me," he muttered. "Just because he wouldn't have sex."

"No," she snapped. "You don't know what you're talking about!"

"I wonder, if you'd been paired with say, Max LeVampe, would you have flirted with him instead? What about your friend, Lupin? What if Slughorn hadn't paired _us _up? Would you be telling some other bloke the same story tonight?"

"I requested you!" she stated. "Remember last time we had partners, and you and James started that huge riot and Slughorn had us write down who we'd want to be with for next time? Well… it was more of, who we wouldn't _kill _if we had to work with them? Anyway, I wrote down your name. Not James'. Not Remus'. **Your name.** I wanted us to get together, Severus."

"But you didn't want us to _stay _together," he interpreted. At this point, he was going to be against her, no matter what.

"Will anything I say make this right?" she probed angrily, her eyes flashing.

He gaffawed callously. "No. Because you what you did to me _wasn't right. _I can say this with absolutely no guilt. You played me. However good your intentions were, you let me believe that you only wanted me, and that you and Potter were not an item. You made me act so _stupid! I usually keep my wits and **look at this situation!**" _

"I'm **sorry**!" she said insolently. "It isn't like you weren't a part of this. And would you have _really cared _if I told you that James and I were together? You said at coffee that it would make it more _dangerous_. I think you _liked _imagining yourself taking Potter's _prize_."

"I didn't-"

"**And **don't act like you had nothing to do with us! Weren't you just **on top of me** a few hours ago? It isn't like _you _didn't want it. You were so desperate, I don't know what you'd do if it weren't for me! God! Talk about wanting to _jump on me at any chance!"_

Severus wanted to tell her it wasn't true. That he'd been leading her on, just like she'd done him. That he had a girlfriend, too. But he couldn't say anything.

He stared at her, his legs wobbly. This had turned into the worst nightmare he had ever experienced.

She covered her mouth. "I'm really sorry- that was cruel, I-"

"You _are _Potter's girlfriend. I can _tell _now, you know? I couldn't see the attraction before but now I **do**. You're both equally cruel and **nothing changed about him, just YOU. You're the one who BECAME LIKE HIM!**"

"You don't mean it!"

"How little you know me."

"I know you better than **anyone**!"

"**AND THAT'S ONLY A LITTLE! You don't know anything, you slag!**"

Her face crumpled. "_You don't mean it!"_ she said again, stepping back once more, her hands reaching out to grip anything that would steady her.

"**Snob. Princess. Bitch." **A lump was growing in Severus' throat. His arm was outstretched. His eyes were wide, flashing with horrifying anger. Dead.

She turned to flee, and in an instant, he grabbed her roughly by the hair.

"**MUDBLOOD!" **he screamed. His voice was an inhuman yowl, and he almost did not recognise it.

Lily was shoving him, yelling for him to get off, he was pulling her by her crimson tresses. Gripping her by wrist forcefully so she couldn't shake him.

Finally, he unclenched his hand and shoved her forward.

Lily stumbled backward, breathless.

She shot him a look of horror. Tears were alight in her eyes. She looked accusingly at him and pointed.

"You-"she began, her voice quiet.

Severus recoiled. His hands felt like they were burning. He hadn't _really _just done that, had he?

They made eye contact. His were wide with horror, hers dripping with tears and staring disturbingly.

Her finger pointing at his face; she seemed to be struggling for the right word.

"You. Are. A. **Coward**," she finished, and she ran for the door.

Severus stood, rooted to the floor. He listened to her wailing, clattering up the stairs, slamming the door, the portrait of the count yelling, her wailing, hurrying _up, up, up. _Up to the light. Up to her friends, who were obnoxious, but they weren't abusive, they wouldn't say those terrible things. Up to her pretty, perfect house and her perfect life. Up, up, up.

'_You are a coward.'_

"**No**," Severus cried out, the silence pounding in his ears. He stared at his hands as though they were drenched in blood. _No. No. No._

'_Severus Snape, stand up and quit being such a coward.'_

"**Please."**

'_He didn't even hit you that hard- I swear, he's only trying to make you stronger!'_

He fell to his knees, his mouth open in a sob.

'_You are a coward.'_

'_He's your father, Severus. He's only trying to help you!'_

These words pounding in his ears, he drifted down to the floor, his naked chest burning against the rug as he dragged himself back to his bed. Black hair in his eyes, groans uttering from his throat, he pulled himself over to his chest. The drawer fell onto the floor with a clatter. Grabbed out his robes and wrapped himself up in them. His protection.

He crawled over to the bed and hoisted himself up. There were still two imprints from two bodies. He began to cry and lowered his head to the rumpled sheets. A mixture of scents filled his nose. Smelled of Lily, like her perfume, her soft scent. Smelled faintly of his come.

Gagging, he wrenched the sheets off, balling them up, punching the mattress. Hating how stupid he'd been.

He didn't want to sleep there. He didn't want to lie there ever again, bathed in the memory of what had occurred.

He wasn't certain who to loathe more. Lily Evans or Severus Snape.

Pushing himself off of the bed, he fell onto the floor and hugged himself. He sniffed, hiding his embarrassed face in his robes.

And there, upon the floor of the Slytherin dorm, he decided that since he all ready hated himself, it would make the most sense to hate Lily Evans.

So he did.


	12. Not Quite the Family Men

**AN: **Sorry for the long break. School hath begun again. And I was/am tired, and have taken the full time job of complaining now. I'm sorry some of you thought that Chapter Eleven was the end- but I'm not that cruel! No, this story still has a couple more twists in it. Thanks for the reviews, and any direct questions can be mailed to Enjoy!

**Chapter Twelve**

"WOO!" exploded a voice. Pounding feet in the dorm room.

_Go away. _Severus woke up suddenly, wondering where he was. Everything was very dark.

"Hey! Look at Snape's drawer. Looks like he had a little trouble."

"Blimey, I've never seen it look so messy over there."

Feet clattering around his bed.

"Oi! Oi, Malfoy! Check this out. I think Snivelly's dead."

Boots tapping across the floor. Severus wrapped his arms more tightly around himself.

A small snigger. "Snape _isn't _deceased, stupid. Have _you _been dead for the past six years we've roomed with him? _Really, _Johnson, Severus is merely _moping._"

Snape distinctly felt someone trying to turn him over with their toe. He rushed up to his knees, hair falling in his eyes. His face blank and peaked, he stared up into Lucius Malfoy's face.

"**Get away from me," **he commanded in a contemptuous snarl. He didn't want to deal with people right now. He didn't want to think about anything. Nothing was important.

"Ooooh," mocked Johnson and Goyle, staring down at him from either side of Malfoy.

Lucius rolled his eyes. "Boys, shove off, if you don't mind." Muttering, they obeyed. The blond boy strolled forward, intrigued. "Snape, mind telling me what you're doing there?"

"I told you. Just…_go_," Severus choked out. His head was spinning.

"Darling Snape, this is the _first _time you haven't at least _tried _to give me a worthy comeback. What happened? If you will not tell me," Lucius said in sing-song," I'll snoop."

Severus buried himself deeper in his cloak. He could hear Malfoy stepping over him, but he did not care.

"You look more terrible than usual, you know?" Lucius clucked. "I wonder what you've been up to."

Snape groaned. _Why can't they all just go to sleep?_

"It's nearly one," Malfoy announced. "I'd just _love _to delve into the oddity that is your mind, but I really should sleep. Tomorrow, though. Tomorrow, you and I are going to have us a little chat."

_Fine. Anything. Just go._

"Tomorrow."

"Said just fucking **go**," growled Severus. The tears upon his face were burning.

**-,-**

"Hello, lovey," voiced Malfoy smoothly, placing an arm around Severus' shoulders. It was around four PM. The day had been a positive haze for Snape, who had been in the common room all day. He stared blankly from the studying table out at the couch where he had nearly ravished Lily the previous afternoon. His hair hung around his eyes messily. He had not eaten all day.

When Lucius touched him, he merely made a small grumble of protest and turned away. _Nothing to make right what I did. Dad was right- bloody fuck up. Believe some flighty slut and declare my love for her. Lily Evans. Love. Ha. What a word. Lily Evans._

Seemingly taking Snape's incoherent muttering to be an invitation to sit, Lucius pulled out a chair and joined him. "Here, I brought you tea."

"I'm not thirsty" was Severus' dark response as he pushed away the cup.

"Tsk! How rude. Oh, well," Lucius shrugged and took a dainty sip. "I admire the way you can immediately plunge yourself into the depths of despair. It's remarkable."

"_What do you want from me_?" Severus croaked, feeling dizzy. Sex was supposed to be beautiful, and for a few hours, he had agreed. But like everything else in Snape's life, sex had become a terrible memory. Something to loathe, to be humiliated over. He felt as though something had been stolen from him- something that he would never see again.

Lucius lowered the cup and stared him in the eye. "I want to help you. You look suicidal."

This answer made Severus stop what he was thinking. _Was _he suicidal? _No, _he decided. _Because I'm all ready dead._

"I'm not," Severus said curtly.

"Well, then, _okay. _But I still want to know what's driven you to this unworldly state. Just because we've haven't spoken for a few years does _not _mean I don't care for you!" Lucius sniffed haughtily, but it was not the delivery that mattered to Severus. It was the words.

Severus glared grimly. "You? Care?" He attempted to sound disbelieving, but his heart hung onto the hope that perhaps Lucius might still be concerned about him.

"But of course," Lucius drawled, patting Severus' hand. "Come now. I've stolen the key to the Prefect Bath from Narcissa. We can go there and talk- it's private. You need to unravel and I need to know what Sev's been up to lately."

Snape shook his head. "Not now." He wanted to sit and brood. He wanted to work out all that had happened.

"If not now, then later. Nine PM. Meet me in front of the baths." With that, Malfoy turned on his heel and left. A few moments passed, and he sidled back in. "Sorry, forgot my tea."

**-,-**

It was eight fifty five. Severus had never been late. Late was rude. Yet when paired with the events that were on his mind, being late _and _even skipping a meeting with anyone seemed tame.

_She played me. _It was the tenth time he had thought that since eight. He did not want to leave the confines of the common room. He was so afraid he would see Lily. _What would she do? Apologise? Ha, no. Laugh in my face? **Spit **in my face? That seems a bit more probable. She probably finds me to be some kind of sadistic bastard. _

_Aren't you?_

_You pulled her hair, nearly ripped off her hand and pushed her, nearly to the floor! _

_I didn't mean-_

_But you **did.**_

_It runs in the family after all._

Severus blanched and felt sick. And what was worse was his next thought:

_I am rational. Would I have done that without reason? She deserved it. Lying to me, making me think she wanted me. She just wanted to make a fool of me. She deserved it._

He bit his tongue, and tried to accept this as an answer. A reason for why he had snapped. Certainly, he must have had good reason.

"I steal my poor dear's key and you're just sitting here?" came a raw tone from the doorway. Severus let his gaze drift, where he took in the elegant Malfoy standing in a silk bathrobe. "She trusts me more than she trusts herself. Do you want my relationship to be on hiatus?"

"Let me _be, _Malfoy."

Lucius stalked into the room. He pointed in direction of the dorms. "Get up, get ready. We're having us a bath, damn it!" he barked.

Severus hated to leave, but he really did not long to be part of Malfoy's wrath. He got up and slowly started down to the dorm.

**-,- **

"Ah, there you are," Lucius commented, as Severus emerged through the hallway door clutching a towel. He made a grumble of response and followed Malfoy into the Prefect Bath.

It was actually quite nice. Severus looked about in interest at all of the tubs, which were very nicely kept and had so many dials.

"Guess you've never been in here. Shame," Malfoy said, locking the door. Snape did not wish to ask why Lucus _had. _"This one is the best," he announced, pointing to a tub which was more like a small swimming pool. He bent down to adjust the settings. Steaming water erupted from the large spout, as did heaps of forest green foam from another spigot. "Because I remember your worries about anyone seeing you naked," was his explanation.

_Yeah, well, those were the days. Now someone has, and she'll probably tell everyone how ugly I am. That is, if there was anyone absent from the little show in fifth year._

Severus looked away while Lucius slipped out of his robe and into the water. Quickly, he pulled out of his night shirt and copied the Malfoy, drifting into the boiling tub. They sat across from each other, Lucius pulling his leg up in some sort of exercise.

"So." He switched legs. "What _has _Severus Snape been up to these days?"

"Not much, really," Snape declared, staring at his dirty fingernails.

Lucius laughed rudely. "Oh, be sincere! Last night, you were, as Johnson put it, dead. You should have seen yourself. You were like the Gryffindor's image of Snivellus. Snivelly, the action figure- comes with trench coat and book of angry poems!" He stopped smiling and then said: "Really, I saw you and I was worried. I've seen you down and out, but **never **like that. What were you _thinking _about?"

There was a question. "What _wasn't _I thinking about?" Severus exclaimed. "How much I hate things, my life, school, certain people…" _Lily, Lily, Lily. _

"_Which _certain people?"

_Fuck him for being so quick. _Severus shrugged.

"Now, Snape, I _know _that a girl was somehow involved. I told you- it was so unlike you to leave the study areas and actually have a _life. _Who was she?"

"How can you be so damned sure?" snarled Severus. "You don't know! You haven't spoken to me in years!"

"I know that you've always wanted a girlfriend. You never really said _who_, but I **know **this time there was someone in particular," Lucius simpered, though miffed.

"You just don't know that, do you?"

"What else would you be ejaculating about? Not about _school_."

"STOP BRINGING THAT UP!" Severus roared in anguish, slapping the water. "Why can't _I _like someone? Why does it have to be such a fucking joke? Why should it be your business?"

"Because whoever you liked must have really upset you last night," Lucius said calmly. "But, if you won't talk now…" He trailed off. "In time."

_Yeah, sure. _Severus rolled his eyes.

"Narcissa and I are to be married shortly after school," burst out Malfoy, and Severus had known that it wouldn't be long before this changed to _his _conversation. "As far as shortly, I mean, perhaps a year or so."

Severus stared at him, thinking momentarily of Potter and Evans. "Congratulations," he voiced dryly. _Fuck you, _he thought.

"Do _not _give me that," Malfoy shouted. He looked extremely angry. "Like it's a good thing."

"What in the hell do you mean? It's always _Narcissa this, Narcissa and I, Narcissa and Lucius. _Always sucking face between class."

"Yes, well, _sucking face, _as you so gracefully put it, and _getting married _are two very different things. _Especially since _this entire ordeal was set up by our parents in hopes to get Pureblooded children."

Severus let the words sink in. Lucius Malfoy as a father. It was not a good idea. Not a good idea at all.

He cleared his throat. "Sorry- I thought you meant you asked her, or-"

"It couldn't be _normal, _could it? My father and mother just _had _to intercept. And all because they wanted more awful little horrors in the world. **I hate children**," he said softly. Severus had heard that utterance so many times before.

"Impregnating her won't be so hard, I believe," Lucius continued, and Snape cringed at how he phrased it. _Impregnating her. I wonder what Lily would think of that. _"It will be enjoyable, I think. I can imagine it's something like mounting a broom-"

Severus snapped to attention. _Malfoy hasn't had sex? That's… impossible? I have something on him, now! I have something on him, and it's what started the worst moment of my entire life. Great. _

"What?" snarled Lucius. "What's that look? Like _you _know what it's like, for _Salazar's sake. _As I was saying, I just don't want children. Narcissa is _so _beautiful, but you know what children do? They _make women fat and ugly. _And after those obnoxious, filthy little things are born, that it what your life is _devoted _to."

"HA!" Severus stared Malfoy in the eye. "Maybe in _some _people's houses, but _not mine. _It's not true, for you either, and you know it. Perhaps Narcissa will be devoted to it, but with that attitude, and with your history, you will **never be around.**"

"You're right," Malfoy stated slowly. "I'm sorry, Severus. I really was just on a rant, but you are correct. I do not _wish _to be a part of any child's life. It's not what I'm supposed to do. My only worries in life are about me. That's why I am afraid."

"Afraid?"

"I don't wish to be like them. But I am. And I will be. I will procreate for the sake of the Pureblooded baby that they wished for, and then I will treat my own child with such disdain because I just _don't _want one."

Severus was in shock. This was nearly the exact thing Severus had worried about, except not about children. About a wife, a home, a life that he would surely ruin because of his inherited temper.

"Maybe…" Snape began," maybe you will break the cycle. You could, you know. Maybe you will love this child and be there for it, and then you won't be repeating the way you were raised…"

"I **won't**!" Lucius yelled, his voice cracking. "**I know that I won't**!"

"I know, too," Severus said quietly. _Lucius as a father. Lucius Malfoy as some poor little fuck's Dad. Horrifying._

Lucius stared into the water, cold eyes blinking rapidly for a moment's time, blinking back tears, Severus observed. It may have been a shock to some random Gryffindor, but Snape had observed this on many occasions- only not recently.

"What about you?" Lucius whispered.

"Me?"

"Your father. Are you afraid, too?"

Severus and Lucius made eye contact. "Yes," he affirmed, and sighed.

Their home lives were distinctly different. So different, yet they understood each other. Understood the abuse.

"I've missed talking to you about this. Nobody else really understands."

Severus looked up at these words. Lucius was speaking with complete seriousness.

"I know. I've missed it as well."

Lucius smiled briefly, and shrugged. "Sometimes, I think back to first year, second year and all. We had some fun."

"Some weird fun," Severus put in.

"Remember when we used to play that game?"

Severus' stomach gave a twinge. "_Lie Backward_," he whispered. He hadn't thought of that in forever.

"Yes, now I remember," Lucius answered, just as quietly. "Were we really disturbed or was it just me?"

"We were."

They stared off for a moment's time, and then Malfoy gave Severus a desperate look. "I want to do it again," he told him.

"Okay," Severus responded, just as urgently.

"We're older now, so don't strangle me or anything."

"I won't."

Lucius walked out to the middle of the tub, toward Severus. Slowly, Severus pushed Lucius backward into the water, until the boy's face was completely submerged. Then, Severus pressed his hand tightly over Lucius' mouth, so that he could not breathe.

_One second. Two. Three. Four. Five. _

Twenty was Lucius' record, as Severus remembered. He held on, feeling Lucius convulsing beneath his grasp.

_Seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven._

Complete control. Complete trust.

_Fourteen, fifteen._

Lucius' arms began to flail a bit, and instantly, Severus pulled him out of the water.

"Sixteen."

Wheezing, Malfoy gripped Severus' shoulders, his pale face extremely pink.

"_What _a _high_!" he raved when he had collected himself. "I love that. So close to death."

"Me now," Severus exclaimed. He wanted to be as close to death as he possibly could.

Lucius repeated what Snape had done to him. Once underneath the water, Severus calmed his senses. He allowed himself to be limp. He tried not to count- that was the trick. _Lily, if only you could see. Look where I am. Look where you put me, you horrible, stupid slag. I don't care. Go marry that jock. See if I give a shit. I'm here, with my best friend, and everything is going as it should._

Severus felt Lucius pulling him up.

"I- had- much more- in me," panted Severus, leaning against the side of the pool.

"Twenty one," Lucius smirked. "You were _always_ the show-off."

They chortled together for a second, and Severus could not quite explain his feelings.

So much was happening in such a short time. Just a day ago, he'd despised Lucius and loved Lily Evans. Now he was sure he and Lily would never speak again, and Lucius was treating him as though nothing had changed. He'd lost his virginity and it had been wonderful. But now, it seemed so far away. Far away and terrible.

"Imagine," began Lucius," what they all would think if they saw this. Maybe then they'd leave me alone." He snorted. "Not quite the family men, are we?"

Severus grinned, yet he fought away a feeling of desolation.


	13. Not Even Half Good Enough

**Note: **Sorry it's taken so long… This chapter is really short but I hope you all enjoy it!

**Chapter Thirteen**

Severus wanted so desperately to speak to Lily, yet he thought it was the worst idea he had ever had. Besides, now it was he and Lucius and Narcissa. Narcissa, as though she had no feelings of her own, had immediately quit poking fun at Snape and was now just as close to him as Malfoy was. Severus thought this was sad; it was a horrid reflection of Narcissa's bland personality, but he would accept her as his friend. He needed that comfort.

"Bella wrote me for money again," scoffed Narcissa, powdering her nose as they waited in the corridor for Flitwick to come to class.

"_Money_? Why? You're loaded!" Severus inquired.

"Father gives us only a small sum during school, and being such a slag, she's blowing everything!" Narcissa declared, obviously not noticing the irony of her words.

Lucius and Snape took one look at each other and burst into hysterial laughter.

Narcissa snapped her compact shut and looked angry. "What? **What, boys?**"

"_Blowing… Ha ha ha…" _Lucius let out.

Severus burst anew into raspy laughter, rising up from his knees.

"I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT! UGH! SHE'S BLOWING MONEY! NOT PEOPLE!"

At that instant, Snape realised that the Marauders and Lily were standing not too far away from them, staring.

"Bloody Hell," James said, chortling. "Right pack of perverts."

Lily was staring at Severus, but not saying a word.

Snape stopped laughing at once and wheeled around.

"Whoa, what's your problem?" Malfoy questioned, and looked. "**Get your own conversation, prudes!**" He turned back to Snape. "You've never acted like that with them before. They're asses, stupid, poor and with Mudblood in tow." He paused. "Wait…" He looked at the Marauders. "_Mudblood _in tow. Good grief, Severus, you're in love with _Lily Evans_?" he declared loudly.

"No!" yelled Snape, but it was too late.

"**Stop talking about her**," James shouted from across the hall. Lily grabbed his arm and muttered something.

"We can talk about who we want, Potter. You just go about your business, 'kay?"

"Shut it, Malfoy!" Snape whispered.

"Huh?" inquired Narcissa, completely baffled.

"Evans, if it's true, you're not even **half **good enough!" Lucius cried out, pointing.

Snape groaned aloud and grabbed Lucius by the back of his robes. He had enough time to see Lily's face pale, her cherry lips open in shock.

"If **what's **true, huh? **IF WHAT'S TRUE**?" screamed Potter. "Just LEAVE then, you scardies! JUST YOU WALK AWAY!"

"Where's everyone going? Why's everybody screaming?" Narcissa pouted to herself.

**.A few minutes Later.**

"I _do not _believe you," panted Severus, as soon as he'd dragged Lucius half way across campus.

"I don't believe _you _either," Lucius declared. "The Mudblood?"

"You don't know anything. It's not her!"

"_Sure_," Lucius remarked sarcastically. "Look, Severus, I _saw _your face. You looked like you'd be hit by Petrificas Totalus. I may not be all in tune with the mysteries of your strange mind, but I _do _know your reactions, Snape and that one was_ surely_ not an expression _I've_ ever seen on your face."

"I was embarrassed you'd even _think_ I fancied her," Severus explained, lying through his teeth. If Lucius knew what had _really _happened, he wouldn't have _any _friends left. Either that, or he'd never hear the end of it. Or both.

Lucius froze for a moment, studying Snape. "She's pretty, Severus. I'll give you that. But beyond looks, I don't know _what _would make you like that filthy girl."

Snape acted as though the comment had not stung. Lucius was testing him. If there was one thing Malfoys were good at, it was sensing a liar. A traitor. Sensing fear. "I _agree _she's cute, Lucius, but why you'd ever think I would go for some_thing _like that really irritates me."

Lucius stared, and then loosened up once more. "You really had me going there for a second." He smiled, and lowered his voice to a murmur. "So since we're on the subject and all, how do you feel about being a Death Eater?"

"Lucius, I don't know," Snape shrugged. "You'll have to tell me more, but at the moment, we're probably late to class."


	14. The 1969 Tonic Affair

**Chapter Fourteen**

"Nice of you to tell the world," whispered a voice from above Severus' head.

He looked away from his book and turned around. "Evans—what do you—"

Lily was glaring at him intently, her red hair set in curls, and her arms folded across her chest. It was around ten PM, so there was no one in the library besides Severus and his pile of books. He stood up, dropping the novel onto the table, hands clenched.

"**Shut up**, Snape, _don't lie,_" Lily hissed. "I heard you and Malfoy discussing—discussing _us_." She blushed, but kept talking. "I think that it's disgusting. I mean, we all ready faced our issues. The least you could was shut the **fuck **up, _Severus Snape!"_

"I—I said nothing to him! I said nothing to _anyone!"_

"Sure, I believe you!" She rolled her eyes in uttermost sarcasm. "Look, Snape—I thought you, being of the non-jock persuasion, would find it crude to kiss-and-tell. I guess I was _wrong about you _in **another **sense. That's all I wanted to say." Lily wheeled around and clomped down the aisle.

"Evans, **wait!"**

She kept walking.

"Evans!" He followed her, talking all the while. "Evans, you don't understand! Lucius _guessed, _I _never _told and I won't _ever tell_, all right?"

"Hmmph!"

"And about that night… I didn't mean to—grab you."

Lily turned to face him, her hair flouncing around her shoulders. "Severus Snape, I do not **ever **wish to talk to you again, whether or not it concerns _that. _You are abusive. You are cruel. And I never should have gotten involved in your—_your **life**_**, if you can call it that!"**

_Ouch. _Severus stopped walking after her. They paused in the aisle and stared at each other: Lily Evans with her freshly made-up auburn locks, her gold earrings and matching necklace, and her clean, white dress; Snape, with his pallid complexion, greasy black hair, and his shabby, discolored robes.

"Well, Lily," Severus said finally, his smooth voice contrasting with her high-strung bantering, "if you do not wish to believe me, it's too bad for you. Have a nice life with Potter, and let us hope you never have to see me again."

With that, he headed back to the table and pretended to immerse himself in his book again, all the while listening to the sound of Lily's boots as she walked out of the library.

**THE NEXT DAY**

**--**

Severus braced himself, and knocked on the Potions Master's office.

"Come in! Just finishing correcting some papers, good to have a break!"

"'lo Professor Slughorn," Severus greeted blandly, entering the office and standing before the smiling teacher.

Slughorn put down his quill. "Ho, ho! Severus, my boy! So nice to see you! And how have you been?"

"Fine. Sir?"

"And your marks are well in every other course, I'm sure?"

"Yes. Sir?"

"Anything interesting happening? What's the juicy gossip?"

"**Sir?"**

"So sorry, Severus. You were saying..?" Slughorn looked extremely disappointed, but listened anyway.

Snape cleared his throat. "Concerning my new lab partner…"

"Ah ha! Quite a lass, isn't she? You two are quite the dynamic duo, eh! Too bad she's not in Slytherin, I've always wanted to claim her as one of my house, heh heh!"

"Professor!"

"Eh? Sorry, boy! What, now?"

"Evans and I cannot work together, sir."

Slughorn's mouth took the shape of an **O**. "What's that?"

"We aren't cut out for each other. Rivalry and all. Plus, her boyfriend drives me barmey. Childish, yeah, but we can't get past it."

"Wha—but—you two worked splendidly—"

"Not really, Professor. I'm sorry. We both need a switch."

Slughorn was devastated. He nodded slowly. "It's really too bad, Snape. You two could be legend! Don't you think, boy? Severus Snape and Lily Evans—two brilliant students, just happens that they're from rival houses, different worlds! Evans and Snape—the 1969 Tonic Affair!"

"That's uh—all well, sir, but… We can't do it," Snape muttered, and immediately left.


	15. Just Kill Something

**AN: **Sorry! Life happened. It was always in my head, just never written. Thanks for your patience.

**Chapter Fifteen**

**---**

**Nine Years Later**

Severus Snape had long since grown into his shoes, and his hair was not quite so stringy. He had been spending more time outside, and even though it was mostly in the moonlight, he no longer had skin the color of a dying Japanese turnip. His eyes, however, grew deader day by day. His white mask did not shut out the screams, the lives lost. Severus Snape was not a good soldier.

He swallowed, and drummed the table nervously, swinging to the side in his chair.

"_What?" _Lucius Malfoy cocked his head to the side. He was no longer small and gracefully mousey, but chiseled and tall, even and full. Killing did not phase him, but that was to be expected and accepted. Lucius had been a loud-mouthed child, an _I'm-not-sorry _little brat whose past explained him to those who knew—and he never used it as an excuse, but as a reason.

"I didn't say anything," Severus answered steadily. His velvety voice had graduated into a bass murmur, a loud whisper.

"You did not _need _to," smirked the blond man delicately. "Tea?" he asked.

"Anything stronger?"

"Tut, you want to get smashed _tonight, _of all nights?" Lucius' white teeth glistened. "You weak bastard."

"I asked you a question. I needed no retort," growled Snape, his hair shielding his waxy gaze.

"Brandy?" offered Lucius, in a teasing manner, but filled two teacups half and half promptly.

"I thought so," Snape grumbled. He emptied his teacup right away.

From upstairs, a baby shrieked.

"_Fuck _me," Lucius snarled with a spasm.

"Don't say that or you'll get another," Severus whispered darkly, and watched sadly as the other man knocked back his drink with such hatred, it nearly stirred him.

"Oh, don't even _joke_," Malfoy barked sullenly. "She's been an absolute wreck—I thought it would be better when she got skinny again but now she's just miserable. She doesn't want to go out, she doesn't want to do _anything_ except complain about how she _feels._ I don't even want to look at it."

Snape paled, and said nothing.

"My brother's got three children, _oh, _and of course he _loves them—_"

"You've said so before."

"Narcissa won't even get out of _bed. _She won't hold it. She could at least drown the thing and put it out of its misery." He rolled his eyes.

"You wouldn't really--?"

"_Oh, wouldn't we?" _snapped Lucius.

Snape stared.

Rubbing his temples, Malfoy sighed. "You have to pardon me. I've been without sleep. I've been fighting _two_ wars, really. I hate to say it, but you _are _the smart one."

"I know."

"We've got all of these _gutless _goose eggs on our side now, too, as though _they're _going help Him any. They go around, pledging their allegiance to the Dark Lord, but they've never met him, never loved him." Lucius' face grew stony. "They should be killed like the rest."

Snape felt a bit sick, but he told himself it was the brandy. Because _Lucius really didn't think **he **was pledging false allegiances, too, did he?_ Lucius was sharp, but he never cared enough to delve.

Again, the baby screamed.

"_Blast it," _whispered Lucius, and then hollered upward: **"_Shut it up, would you_**?" He shrugged at Snape. "These elves, they're much too caring for my taste."

"I really should be off—it's late," Snape declared quickly. Watching the scene was making him ill.

Lucius raised an eyebrow. "So soon? Have you got an errand?"

"Yes."

"Cannot say much?"

"No." Snape wasn't about to say _why._

Malfoy seemed satisfied. "Good luck, then. Kill something for me, would you?"


End file.
